word of the week

Parental Alienation-A disturbing trend has been creeping into fractured families. Some spouses who are abused and seeking full custody of their children are losing that fight to the abusive spouse because of parental alienation. Some judges are hearing arguments and finding in favor of the abusive spouse. How can this be? There are several reasons: A spouse who is seeking custody of children because of an abusive spouse is rigid when it comes to visitation or custody and the abusive spouse is seen as willing to share custody. Another reason is the fact that most cases of abuse go unreported and when the custody stage comes around, there is no record of past abuses and some judges would throw that out anyway saying that such information is not relevant to custody (yeah, whatever!). The thinking of some judges is that some spouses are tainting the abusive spouse in the eyes of the child; alienating the spouse so that the child will see the spouse in a negative light. I remember growing up, after my parents divorced, that my mom would often bad mouth my dad and make me feel as guilty as possible for wanting to see him.

Some states are fighting back against parental alienation by impeding its use. In Massachusetts in 2004, a staggering 54% of custody cases had the use of parental alienation and the abusive spouse got custody. This isn't really a new thing, however, it first appeared in the 80's with fathers' rights groups. Personally, I can't see how any judge can look at a history of abuse and side with the abuser. At the same time, spouses who are abused need to realize that abuse is not love and teach the abusive spouse a lesson by filing those charges; making the abuse known and getting out of the situation. Not just for their sake but for the sake of the child as well.

peace,

paul