Saturday, December 31, 2005

Sat. Dec. 31-movie minute

The "Produce" Section: Jim and I went to see The Producers starring Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick. We were both unsure if we would like the film because neither one of us much cared for Rent. The Producers was a very pleasant surprise. I never saw the original or the Broadway play. The original starred Zero Mostel as Max Bialystock (played by Nathan Lane in the new version) and Gene Wilder starred as Leo Bloom (played by Matthew Broderick in the new version). Watching Broderick in the role I could see Gene Wilder playing the role as it's kind of a crazy/funny role. The film was really good; very laugh out loud funny in a number of places. Broderick and Lane played their roles on the stage as well as did two other characters in the film. Gary Beach who plays director Roger De Bris, a man who likes to dress up as a woman, is a stitch. He also ends up playing Hitler in the play within the movie. The other actor who played the same role on Broadway is Roger Bart. Bart is probably most familiar as the creepy George Williams on Desperate Housewives. From Bart's first scene to final scene he was absolutely hysterical. Bart plays Carmen Ghia, the common law assistant to Roger De Bris. Bart alone is worth seeing this film as he really hams it up in a good way. He's very very very funny in this role. Jim laughed out loud many times (always a good sign). It was the raucous, "this is very very funny" laugh that lets me know he thinks what he's watching is truly funny. Will Ferrell was also very good as playwright Franz Liebkind. The premise is as follows: Two men, Broderick as an accountant who wants to be a producer, and Lane a washed up producer, figure out that a flop on Broadway can net them a handsome profit. They decide to stage the most offensive and unlikely to be a hit play and it ends up winning rave reviews. Lane and especially Broderick are really good and Broderick is really underrated as a comic actor. I still have a crush on Lane, however, it looks like he's put on a few extra pounds. It's alright though because it was good for the character he plays; a sleazy producer. It may have been better on the stage but then I wouldn't know. With me, and I believe with Jim, it scores!!!!

paul

Many many thanks to my friend Chris who sent this. I'd pay to see THIS movie!
Here's a whole year's worth of strange and odd articles. Some of these I've posted in my blog but they are all worth reading. Yes, I've read them all and it just proves that there are some really weird people in the world. My personal favs the python in Florida that tried to eat the 6 foot alligator, the woman who superglued her ex's genitals to his abdomen and glued his butt cheeks together and topping them all: The Indiana kid who climbed into the stuffed toy vending machine. One of the machines with the crane that you have to control to grab a prize. It's all fun and games until you realize your kid is stuck in there. Enjoy!!!!!

My thanks to my spouse for sending me this.


http://www.rochesterinsider.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051230/INSIDER04/912310404
My thanks to my friend Sherri who sent this to me a while ago.

EVER WONDER WHY.................

drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes and candy at the front?

people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?


banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?

we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage?

we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?

we use the word 'politics' to describe the process of governing our freedom? ('Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures')

drive-up ATM machines include Braille lettering?

the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

"abbreviated" is such a long word?

doctors call what they do "practice"?

lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemon juice?

the person who invests all your money called a broker?

the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

they don't make the whole plane out of the stuff they use to make the indestructible black box?

sheep don't shrink when it rains?

they are called 'apartments' when they are all stuck together?

they call the airport the "terminal" if flying is so safe?


And if con is the opposite of pro, do you ever wonder if Congress is the opposite of progress?

Friday, December 30, 2005

According to Billboard magazine the Top Album of the year (they have some formula based on sales and stuff) is The Massacre by 50 cent (or as I like to say fittycent). The top song of the year is Mariah Carey's We Belong Together. I personally don't want to belong to Mariah Carey and think the song is trite and overplayed but I've compiled my own list below. I won't call these things the best of the year just some of my top favorites of 2005. Enjoy!!!!


Favorite mainstream movie: Cinderella Man

Favorite indie movie: Tie between Walk On Water and Millions

Favorite CD: Death Cab For Cutie: Plans

Favorite soundtrack CD: Millions

Favorite new tv show drama: Invasion

Favorite new tv show comedy: My Name Is Earl

Favorite "old" tv show drama: 24

Favorite "old" tv show comedy: Arrested Development

Favorite song: JoDee Messina's "My Give A Damn's Busted"

Favorite Christian song: "Lifesong" by Casting Crowns

Favorite book: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by JK Rowling


Happy and Safe 2006

paul
My thanks to Lady Di for these jokes. I don't know if they are true but there are some people out there that make me wonder........


A fellow bought a new refrigerator. To get rid of the old one, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home You want it, you take it".For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. Eventually he decided that people didn't-trust this deal because it looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it.
This person votes.


While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was North because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, (and has for sometime), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff"...She too votes!

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" . .He ALSO votes!

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving". This one ALSO votes!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. .My sister votes!

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount...He ALSO votes!

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...My friend votes!

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?". . .SHE ALSO votes!

To those who understand ~ No explanation is necessaryFor those who don't understand ~ No explanation is possible

paul

A photo of a fish caught in Holmes Lake in Lincoln, Neb. The rainbow trout weighed in at about a pound and the bottom mouth did not appear to be functional. Creepy!!!!
Tropical storm Zeta has formed in the Atlantic; not Catherine Zeta, just tropical storm Zeta. I guess Mother Nature doesn't care that hurricane season ended a month ago. She's obviously making up her own schedule.

Bye Bye Bun: It's been featured on The Late Show with David Letterman, world news shows, mentioned on Mad About You and The Nanny and now it's gone. The cinnamon bun that bore the likeness of Mother Teresa was stolen from the shop it had been kept in. The owner found it missing on Christmas morning; the bun had been preserved with shellac. The jar of money that was next to the bun was still there. Ok, either someone was really hungry or they wanted to feed it to the birds or just destroy it. The bun first gained attention back in 1996 and of course these days Jesus, Mother Teresa, God, Virgin Mary and other religious figures are seen in everything from toast to trees.

paul

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Did you hear the one about....? In Rob Reiner's new movie, Rumor Has It, Jennifer Aniston, a half baked actress if ever I saw one, decides to cheat on gorgeous fiancee Mark Ruffalo and then beg his forgiveness because she didn't know who she was. Give me a break!!!! If Mark Ruffalo is your fiancee you don't cheat on him with anyone; even if it is Kevin Costner. The premise is this: Aniston plays Sarah Huttinger whose family is supposedly the basis of the book and film The Graduate. There's Mrs. Robinson, Shirley MacLaine; Benjamin Braddock, Kevin Costner playing another BB (Beau Burroughs) and Aniston who may or may not be the offspring of her mother's affair with Beau. If you've seen the movie The Graduate then this will be mildly entertaining; if you haven't then it will be just mild. The film has some funny moments (2 or 3) and a few bright spots. MacLaine is wonderful and hits another one out of the park. Ruffalo is really an underrated actor but Aniston is what brings this film down. If another actress had been cast the film could have been better but there's still the fact that Ruffalo is the fiancee, no cheating.

paul

Monday, December 26, 2005

A little perspective today as the one year anniversary of the devastating tsunami is marked. One year ago today Indonesia was hit with a major tsunami and people are still rebuilding and struggling socially and economically. Let's keep in mind before we complain about the weather or all of the work we have that some people lost entire families, lost everything they own.

peace,

paul

Sunday, December 25, 2005

weekly post-December 24, 2005

I didn't realize I was so behind in posting my weekly emails

Here it is another Christmas Eve. I decided to be really annoying and type this in red and green. I was going to do all red but then thought, no, I'll go the extra festive step. Jim thinks that red is an "angry" color but I think it's just misunderstood. Red doesn't have to signify anger all the time, it can mean fun and liveliness and festivity.

We had a wonderful dinner with two friends from Binghamton last night. They are both so much fun and so easy to be with. We can say anything without being judged; a refreshing thing considering our world today. Next week we'll have dinner with a good friend from Elmira, someone I don't get the chance to see as often as I'd like.

I feel a bit deflated this morning; a feeling that started yesterday afternoon. I figured out why: The film that I had been looking forward to seeing for so long has been seen and I was disappointed. It's really weird but I was really really really looking forward to seeing Memoirs Of A Geisha; I don't remember the last time seeing a film held so much anticipation and excitement for me, if there ever was a time. I finally saw it yesterday and I ended feeling disappointed, as I knew I would on some level. The book was incredibly good and the movie just did not capture the true feeling of the book. I'm glad I saw it but now it's like this "huge" event is over. Now I've just nothing more to look forward to (actually, I was just kidding with that last line).

Today Jim will do some baking and I'll be off to see Munich (it's being called a controversial film but really, if you think about it, the whole event is controversial. The film is only controversial in the fact that the event is being replayed and "packaged" as a movie for everyone to see.) This evening we'll have Christmas Eve service and then tomorrow so of the deacon trainees will hold a Christmas Day service. I like the idea of having a Christmas Eve service and, since Christmas is on a Sunday, not having a Sunday service. Jim and I will not attend the service being held tomorrow but some people felt it was important to have something that day and some of the deacon trainees stepped up and took charge.

weekly post-December 17,2005

Another week has ended and the weekend has begun. I actually finished my Christmas shopping yesterday. I avoided the crowds this year as I only shopped in the early morning and I did not shop on Black Friday. Most of the stuff I bought this year I purchased online (how very convenient and addictive) and I was surprised at how creative I was in terms of what to get Jim. He's very difficult to shop for. He's one of those people who never say what they want and when they are asked they always hem and haw. Or when he is asked what he wants, always says, "I have everything I want."

Last evening we had dinner with a couple from church. One of the women is best friends with the mother of Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Hoffman, a native of Fairport, NY, is currently portraying Truman Capote in the aptly titled film Capote. It truly is a small world.

Today we have a meeting of the artsy fartsy film group; a group that meets once a month to see a non-mainstream movie. I'm very disappointed that we aren't seeing Brokeback Mountain but that's only because it's not yet playing in Rochester. Sadly, Rochester is not one of the "special select cities" that movies open up in before going wide. It really is Rottenchester. I shouldn't say that because Rochester does have a lot of good qualities. We could live in worse places.

Stranger than fiction (I can't make this stuff up): Have you got a problem with your plumbing? Check your basement-for people. One woman in Spokane, WA, had a problem with her plumbing and called the water department. The water department found the basement door barricaded and eventually realized there was someone behind the door, that's when police were called. A 36-year old naked man was found in the basement, no clothes were found and he was taken into custody by the police. The pipe, it was discovered, had been broken and then repaired, obviously not very well. Kind of gives Desperate Housewives's storyline of the man in the basement a run for its money. Creepy!!!

weekly post-December 10, 2005

We had a pretty quiet week this past week. We like quiet weeks. My spouse canceled the Wednesday night church service after only a few weeks because of lack of attendance. I'm glad because it's one less day of the week that he has to be out late. He finishes us his course Varieties Of Gay & Lesbian Religious Experience (talk about a mouthful) this week and I always enjoy hearing about his assignments and what other people in the course post about them. Maybe I'm biased but I sometimes think his brain must be 3x bigger than everyone else's. Today we'll have dinner at the home of one of our church members with a few other couples and for the next three Friday nights we're booked for dinner with other friends. Talk about a social calendar. Are YOU doing something fun this weekend?

Stranger than fiction (I can't make this stuff up): There was a study that was presented in Chicago last week that was very alarming and sad. Women are not getting the full effect of vaccines and painkillers. Doctors in Ireland gave 25 women shots and each shot included an air bubble. The bubble and meds only reached the muscle in the buttock in two of the women. To be effective, the medicine must be injected into the muscle. The medicine and bubble in the other twenty-three women didn't reach the muscle and the women were at risk for infection. Standard size shots are no longer cutting it apparently. The study focused on women but I'm sure the same could be true of men. Rounder rumps are preventing the medicines from working. The solution: Longer needles!!!! So next time the doctor says it will hurt him/her more than it will hurt you, it's a lie!!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Murder in Munich

Steven Spielberg's new film Munich is a thought provoking, intelligent and polished political thriller that should not be missed. I went into this movie thinking that I wasn't going to like it at all. It's not the kind of movie that I usually enjoy, especially considering the subject matter; gruesome and very violent. Munich tells the story of what happens after the group Black September killed 11 Israeli athletes at the 1972 Olympic games. Based on George Jonas's book Vengeance, the movie was filmed in such places as Hungary, Paris, Budapest, and New York City. A group of hitmen are hired by Prime Minister Golda Meir and a list of Palestinian names are given to them; they are to knock off each man in response to the killings at the games. Leading the group of men is Avner, played by The Incredible Hulk star Eric Bana. The film follows the group as they go from killing to killing and we watch as each is affected by their task. One of the film's prevailing themes is that of having a home to go to. One ironic thing about the movie is that as the five guys go through their list of names, killing for their home of Israel, they lose a bit of themselves with each death and eventually lose their original home. Bana is very well cast as Avner and the movie features plenty of scenes set up to make one think. Spielberg has done an incredible job with a film of heavy subject matter. It's at least as violent, if not more so, as his film Saving Private Ryan and there are several scenes of very graphic violence. Spielberg has been criticized as sympathizing with the Jews and making the Palestinians out to be the true bad guys; I don't totally agree with that. I can see where they would get that, however, the guy who was the model for Avner was actually interviewed by Spielberg so are those criticized scenes artistic license or actual events? Only the real guy knows for sure. Several Israeli officials have acknowledged that the hit squad actually existed and though the film was inspired by actual events, there's no doubt that a number of things in the film actually happened. The film has a couple of scenes which threaten to become too preachy but there are some excellent scenes in which one can see why there is not peace in the world. There's an especially tense scene in which one hit squad comes into the safehouse of another hit squad and as the two teams face off with each other it's evident why the cycle of violence continues and continues. One minor character says that free will will be the downfall of society and she couldn't be more right. I totally enjoyed the artistic value and storytelling of this film and watching the transformation of the five hunting Israeli hitmen, especially as they soon become the hunted, is a visceral process. Even Avner, who claims that it's just a job and he gets up each day to kill and then go to bed, is haunted by his actions, which he claims have no affect on him. One scene which shows his paranoia getting the best of him is suspenseful and sad at the same time. At the end when Avner realizes the true consequences of what he'd done, how his life really will never be the same, it's not hard to ask the question, "Was it all worth it?" This is the film to beat, in my humble opinion, for the Best Picture race; assuming of course that it's even nominated.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Whine of the week: Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean I can't find something to whine about. Why can't people put their shopping carts in the basket caddies found in the parking lots of grocery stores? It's really not that difficult to walk a few extra steps and put the cart out of the way. It's really annoying when people leave carts in parking spaces or if I come out of the store and there's a cart by my car thanks to the person who was parked next to me and just left. Are people that lazy? I guess the obvious answer is yes. They didn't make those basket caddies for the hell of it. And if it's really windy then there's the worry that the wind will push the basket into the car; believe me the wind can get pretty fierce.

See Jane and Dick Run: The "new" movie Fun With Dick And Jane stars Jim Carrey and Tea Leoni as Dick and Jane Harper. They both either quit or lost their jobs and then suffer the humiliation of going broke and losing everything. They go from living the upper middle class dream to almost living on the street. Then Dick gets the idea to "take back" what's rightfully theirs and decides to start up on a robbing spree; Jane joins him and the two start their life of crime. The film is a remake of the 1976 movie with George Segal and Jane Fonda. What worked in the 70's era does not work in the 2000's era. In the original there was more desperation; times were different and the Harpers stumbled into their life of crime. The couple end up at a loan center when the place is held up and Jane is taken hostage...for about two minutes. She ends up not being taken away with the robbers but does end up with their money. Segal and Fonda are a likable couple and at the end, during their final heist, I found myself rooting for them and hoping they get away with it. I won't tell you what happens but I will say that Carrey and Leoni, while not totally unlikable, are no Segal and Fonda. There's too much of Carrey's shtick in the movie and it's too implausible. And with the exception of only a couple of scenes, it's not funny either. There is a nice shot of the couple dressed as a very famous singing duo, however, there is no dialogue or interaction with other characters. How they spend the money near the end is a nice touch considering today's cutthroat world of business. If you are in the mood for a non-funny mindless comedy, this one's for you.

paul

Book Club

No, NO, Narnia: Seeing the movie The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe has sparked my interest in the other Narnia books. So I've started reading the other ones. Interestingly enough before I started reading the subsequent books, I mentioned to someone at work that there are talking beavers in the first Narnia book; this guy I mentioned it to likes beavers. Someone else overheard me and said that The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe was not the first book and he had just read all seven. He said that The Magician's Nephew was the first book. I knew that I had read somewhere it was the first book but I just listened and nodded. Then I got home and did some research; technically it IS the first book. It was written in 1950 whereas The Magician's Nephew was written in 1955. Jim heard a piece on NPR and it talked about how C.S. Lewis was friends with J.R.R. Tolkien and Tolkien encouraged Lewis to create backstory on the world of Narnia so The Magician's Nephew details how Narnia came to be. So in that respect it could be considered the first book. Reading the creation of Narnia is very similar to the passages in Genesis which talk about how the world was created; coincidence or not? I think not. Anyway, I guess in a way we were both right. The order of the books, as they were written is as follows: The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe, Prince Caspian, The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader, The Silver Chair, The Horse And His Boy, The Magician's Nephew, and The Last Battle.

Happy reading,

paul

Friday, December 23, 2005

My, My Memoirs: First of all, I just want to say, I'm glad Memoirs Of A Geisha was directed by a gay man. Rob Marshall, the director of Chicago, is gay and has done a remarkable job of bringing the acclaimed novel to the big screen. Secondly, I was disappointed by the film, but not for the reason you may think. I read the book back in October and finished rereading it at the beginning of this week so it would be fresh in my mind. Every tweak and change that deviated from the book I noticed immediately. The film's biggest flaw is that it didn't capture the excitement, intensity and desperation of geisha life that the book so vividly evoked. Most of the movie is faithful to the book, however, one of the characters was softened, and scene in which the villainess goes over the deep end was changed from the book. It's written one way in the book and she does something entirely different in the movie to get thrown out of the geisha house. The three actresses, Michelle Yeoh, Ziyi Zhang, and Gong Li are all wonderful despite the fact that they are all Chinese. It's no different than a British actor playing an American or an American playing a German or British character. The end scene in which Sayuri, as played by Ziyi Zhang, finally gets her heart's desire, didn't give me chills the way it did in the book both times I read it. That's not the fault of the director, it's the fact that the book is so incredibly written that it is incomparable. I think that for anyone who liked the book they will enjoy the movie but expect to be disappointed. I knew I would feel some sort of letdown but it's not so great that I would say the movie was awful; it wasn't, it was beautiful and well directed and, I think, a lock for an Academy Award nom for Best Director.

paul

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Happy Winter Solstice and Merry Christmas. I don't want to go around worrying about being politically correct. If I know someone is Jewish or doesn't celebrate the holidays then I won't say Merry Christmas but I won't censor myself any other time. Life is too short for that; just say what's in your heart and move on. And none of this Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah or Merry Chrismukkah. That's just ridiculous.

Who says there's nothing good on the radio? I'm really enjoying Ever The Same by Rob Thomas and Animals by Nickelback

Hello, you've got mail and an STD: Yes, now you can email that person you had anonymous sex with and tell them that you infected them. It's a program that was recently launched in Los Angeles County, you can go to www.inspotla.org San Francisco launched a similar site last year and generates about 500 e-cards a month. It's aimed at gay men but anyone can use it. One e-card reads, "It's not what you brought to the party, it's what you left with. I left with an STD. You might have one too. Get checked out soon." Oh, and by the way, have a great day (ok, I added that last part). What happened to having the nerve to tell someone news like that to their face? Now we've become so impersonal we have to email someone to tell them they have AIDS. I can understand someone being scared to tell someone else, "Oh, hey, I gave you gonorrhea," but really have a backbone. If you're going to be stupid enough to have unprotected sex, then you should have to go through the mortification of telling someone you gave them a little somthin, somthin, extra.

Pretty Penguins: They were so adorable in the movie March Of The Penguins. Toga, a 3 month old penguin, was stolen from Amazon World last Saturday. Amazon World is a zoo on the Isle of Wright in Southern England. The penguin was still in the process of being fed by his parents and could die of malnutrition and at this point could be severly dehydrated. With no sign of forced entry, someone apparently climbed over the wall of the compound the penguin was being kept in and absconded with the gender neutral Toga. A sex had not yet been determined but they are usually referred to as males. One other thing, Toga will bite if he becomes frightened and won't eat from a human hand. No word yet on if Mr & Mrs Tux (tuxedo) will appear on CNN.

Enjoy your day,

paul

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I had an incident happen to me yesterday that really irritated me but not for too long. I firmly and strongly believe that if one is going to work in a video store that they have SOME knowledge of movies. For example, if a remake is coming out, they should know that it is a remake. So, without further ado, a written copy of an actual conversation I had with an employee of Hollywood Video on December 19, 2005 around 8pm EST.

(Phone rings and then picks up): Hello, Hollywood Video, this is Sara.

Me: Yes, I'm wondering if you have the movie Fun With Dick And Jane.

Sara: That hasn't come out yet.

Me: Oh! I was looking for the original one.

Sara: That hasn't been released on DVD or VHS yet. It won't be for a long time.

Me: Oh, I wanted the original Fun With Dick And Jane with George Segal and Jane Fonda from 1976.

Sara: Let me check. (silence while Sara checks. Comes back to phone). We don't have that title. (Her tone is clearly that of, "I told you it hasn't come out yet.")

Me: Ok, thank you for checking.

At this point I called Blockbuster and spoke with Jonathan. I gave Jonathan all of the info for the movie, year, stars, etc. and they had it. I felt like taking it and driving to Hollywood Video and waving it in Sara's face and saying, "It is out! It is out!"

Enjoy your day,

paul

Monday, December 19, 2005

December 18 marks one week until Christmas and the day that I start listening to Christmas carols whenever they come on the radio. Before December 18, the only Christmas song I'll listen to is O Holy Night, my favorite carol. The only time I will change the station is if the rendition of the carol is awful, and there are some awful renditions. My favorite modern Christmas song: Christmas Eve Sarajevo by Trans Siberian Orchestra.

You've Got B.O. Appeal: That's BO as in Box Office. King Kong made $66.2 million in its first five days at the theater and only $50.1 from Friday to Sunday. Considering the expectations, some analysts were predicting $90, this is disappointing. It's disappointing anyway since it's supposed to have been a big blockbuster and one of the holiday hits. It was still number one for the weekend but here's a little perspective. Brokeback Mountain, open in only 25 cities, made $10,000 more per theater than King Kong which opened nationwide. Yes, the gay cowboy movie is a hit, selling out most of its shows, even in the red states.

Psycho Santas Unite: New Zealand was the scene of some kick ass Santas. You don't want to sit on the laps of these Santas, not that they'd let you. 40 people dressed as Santa rampaged through the streets of Wellington, New Zealand. They threw bottles at passing cars, scribbled graffiti, assaulted security guards, and robbing stores. One Santa even climbed the mooring of a cruise ship and was ordered down by the captain. Many of the Santas were drunk and they were all protesting the commercialization of Christmas. Ho, Ho, Ho, indeed!!!!

paul

Sunday, December 18, 2005

A photo of Wahkeena Falls, east of Portland, Oregon, on December 16. Chilling weather caused ice throughout much of the country as is evidenced by this pic.
How cute!!!!! A guinea pig dressed as Santa Claus at the Moscow's Club of Friends of Guinea Pigs. The exhibition was held on Sunday, November, 27, 2005 and it included a sprinting contest and fashion show. I personally think it's embarrassing; similar to dressing dogs up in those ridiculous looking sweaters.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Animal Stories

Cynthia Walsh, a woman in San Luis Obispo, CA, was arrested this past week after an anonymous complaint brought police officers and animal services to her home. Inside the home, a small house with 3 bedrooms, officers found more than 100 animals. They consisted of dogs, birds, goats, cats, and a duck and that's not all they found. They also discovered 13 dead dogs which were wrapped in towels in Walsh's freezer and refrigerator. All of the live animals were taken to an animal shelter. They didn't know how long Walsh had been keeping the animals and deputies were hazardous material suits and oxygen masks inside the home but even those things couldn't mask the smell. Walsh was arrested for animal cruelty and released on a bail of $6,010 (where did the $10 come from I wonder). This comes after an 83 year-old woman was arrested in the DC area back in July for having hundreds of cats. The woman was fined $2,500, all but $500 of which was suspended. She also received a 360 day suspended jail sentence and a year's probation. She also cannot own any more animals.

paul
Set In Stone
The Family Stone is the holidays-with-the-dysfunctional-family film of 2005. It seems as if there is at least one every year. Stone tells the story of Everett Stone (hunky Dermot Mulroney) and the fiancée he brings to his family at Christmas time. Sarah Jessica Parker plays Meredith Morton, the fiancée, with corn-cob-up-her-butt intensity. As soon as the family meets her they don’t like her and it doesn’t help that Meredith says and does all the wrong things. The matriarch of the family is Sybil Stone, played by none other than Diane Keaton. The people in this family are horrible and I wouldn’t want to talk to them on the street, much less spend Christmas with them. The film is so cliché that it’s almost pathetic. No dysfunctional family film would be complete without an illness and the death of a family member. Thankfully we are spared the funeral at the end. There’s even a gay son who’s deaf and has an African American spouse. And it’s very predictable; it doesn’t break any new ground. The only thing that sets this movie apart from the other dysfunctional-family-at-the-holidays movies is the cast. There are a couple of performances that stand out. Luke Wilson plays the role of unkempt, chilled out stoner (is that redundant?) Ben Stone. He keeps the performance just interesting enough to keep it from becoming trite. And Rachel McAdams (the love interest from the film The Notebook) plays Amy Stone, the mean spirited sister. She takes the character right to the edge of being unredeemable but never actually crosses the line. The film isn’t all bad, there are some truly good moments but no new ground is broken. The switcheroo of the couples can be seen a mile away and everyone lives happily ever after, well, almost everyone. I kind of wish I had counted the number of times Parker’s character says “I’m sorry” in the film, it felt like a running joke. If you like the predictably entertaining but not laugh out loud funny type of movie then this is the one for you.
Just Jackson: Peter Jackson’s grandiose epic remake of King Kong is here; and it’s long. The original clocked in at about an hour and 40mins, Jackson’s movie is a whopping 3 hours. If you’ve seen the original you know how it ends, you probably know without even having seen the original. The story follows an “almost great” movie director Carl Denham, played with mad scientist glee by Jack Black, as he scrambles to get his movie made. His “vision” leads him to set sail for an undiscovered island filled with mystery and we soon find out lots of danger. Accompanying Denham are his assistant, Preston (played by Tom Hanks’s son Colin); Jack Driscoll, the screenwriter, played by Adrien Brody; the male star of the picture Bruce Baxter; and of course Ann Darrow, played to the hilt by Naomi Watts. There are some other crew members and shipmates thrown in for good measure; there have to be some people who die on the island. The first forty minutes of the film is very slow and almost torturous. In fact, Kong doesn’t show up until an hour and ten minutes into the film. At times the film doesn’t seem to know what it wants to be: First it’s Titanic as the ship is tossed and turned in a storm and runs afoul of a wall and jagged rocks; then it’s Island of Dr. Moreau with skewered skulls and natives looking for a sacrifice; then it’s Jurassic Park as the crew members fight off dinosaurs and other creatures. The film has plenty of thrills, a couple of which go on just a titch too long. One particularly exciting scene is the one in which Kong, Ann, and several T-Rex dinosaurs get caught in some major ropes. There are of course some tender scenes too; one in which Kong and Ann frolic on a pond of ice and another in which Ann becomes playful with Kong. When Kong decides to add his own touch to the play, Ann eventually says no to signify enough. At this point, like a typical male, Kong becomes angry and starts pounding his fist and breaking things. Also like a male, Kong spends most of the movie saving Ann from various dangers. Jackson really captures the poignancy of the relationship between Kong and Ann. Once Kong is loose in NYC and he searches in vain for his blond beauty he comes face to face with the man who stole her away and it’s not hard to feel his jealousy and anguish. Black captures Denham’s obsession with capturing his movie on film, however, little does he know that his movie will soon become the ultimate in cinema verite. The film probably could have been told in about two and a half hours but it is a Jackson movie. And it is to Jackson’s credit that he keeps the film set in the 1930’s instead of trying to modernize it. Watts does a fine job as the blond damsel-in-distress and plays her with a little less innocence and a little more sexuality than Fay Wray did but she doesn’t overdo it. Jamie “Billy Elliott” Bell shows up as a member of the ship, young and eager to fight. The movie hints that Bell’s character was himself rescued from the island but we don’t get any further explanation. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jackson released another movie next year, which gives the back-story of the island and how Kong came to be. I found myself wondering that as I watched the film. One final note about the film is that Kong out acted every other male actor in the film, not an easy feat considering how hammy Jack Black was.

news

So President Bush has authorized a secret eavesdropping program more than 3 dozen times since October 2001. According to Bush he has done everything "within the law" but won't reveal whether the spying was done without obtaining warrants because it would "tie his hands in the fight on terrorists." I'm all for protecting the American people, however, I think Bush needs to have some accountability.

In other news, a new oil pipeline opened up leading from Kazakhstan to China. I'm convinced that one of these days, in the not too distant future, the US is going to wake up and no longer be THE superpower. China is quickly becoming a country to be reckoned with.

Georgia, the Carolinas, Maryland, and Virginia all got socked with wicked winter weather. An ice storm chilled a number of states and as the ice built up on tree limbs power lines were brought down as the limbs snapped. More than half a million people were left without power and there were several deaths as a result of the storm. One poor man in Charlotte, NC, was killed when a tree crushed him in his home. The tree buckled as a result of the heavy ice. Another reminder that Mother Nature holds the cards and uses them at will. And, no, Mother Nature is not God.

paul

Friday, December 16, 2005

My thanks to my spouse for these.....

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you
My thanks to Lady Di for these funnies.....

Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly! Like fine single-maltscotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that ithas 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sportscar with an automatic transmission.

Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and NewYear's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, ifyou don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride."

Saturday, December 10, 2005

I saw the trailer for Memoirs Of A Geisha on tv the other day. I should say I saw the trailer again. I cannot remember the last time I've been so thrilled about seeing a movie. I have probably seen the trailer between 40 and 50 times and I still haven't tired of it. My excitement over this movie just cannot be suppressed. I read the book back in October during the week my spouse and I went to the National Cathedral and I finished the 448 page book that week and was truly sad when it was over. I already know some things from the book have been cut from the movie but my enthusiasm cannot be dampened. So next time someone says there's no joy in going to the movies, you send them to me!

A little humor for the day. My thanks to Pammy in Florida for this.

The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

The New York Times is read by people who think they should run thecountry and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the countrybut don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, liketheir statistics shown in pie charts.

The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running thecountry -- if they could find the time and if they didn't have to leaveSouthern California to do it.

The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run thecountry and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who'srunning the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seaton the train.

The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running thecountry as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably whileintoxicated.

The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another countrybut need the baseball scores.

The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure thereis a country ... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they opposeall that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leadersare handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to beillegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course,that they are not Republicans.

The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at thegrocery store.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Sarah Silverman is a comedienne who has been compared to Lenny Bruce. Bruce was an irreverent and profane comic who was popular in the 50's and 60's. He took hot button issues such as racism, religion, and sexual fantasies and riffed on them. He was banned from certain venues, arrested for obscenity and misunderstood, no doubt. Silverman, a pretty woman, has the same idea. I haven't seen her movie, Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic, yet but I can't help thinking that her comedy is more shock value as opposed to having something serious to say like Lenny Bruce. I will reserve judgment until after I've seen the movie but the incongruity of her beauty and the nastiness that comes out of her mouth is incredible.
Gay news: Four soccer players in Bulgaria have been expelled for having sex in the locker room. Isn't that kind of like having sex at work? Here's the link http://outsports.com/soccer/0512bulgarianplayers.htm

A ruling that would have allowed same sex couples to marry was thrown out by the NY state appeals court. The apparently said it's not the job of the judges to define the terms wife and husband. So what is their job? To sit behind a bench and look spiffy in their black robes? Here's the link http://www.nydailynews.com/front/breaking_news/story/372961p-317163c.html

In Washington, DC, domestic partners will be granted full inheitance rights and required to pay child support and alimony. Woo Hoo!!!! However, it could still be vetoed. Here's the link
http://www.sovo.com/thelatest/thelatest.cfm?blog_id=3919

Paul's Day Out

A day at the movies (or my mini film festival)

Seriously, Syriana: I have no idea what this movie was about. That's not entirely true but I did ask myself several times during the movie, "What?!?" I thought I would really like this film because the director is the guy who wrote the screenplay for the film Traffic. I thought Traffic was a terrific film.The film, Syriana, is a nicely directed political thriller with the topical and timely oil world as the backdrop. It's an ensemble movie and tells many stories that span the globe; from Washington, DC to Iran to Maryland to the Persian Gulf. The "star" of the film is George Clooney who plays a CIA operative who learns that he's been sold out and decides to take action. Other stories include Matt Damon as an oil broker who becomes partners with the Gulf Prince and Jeffrey Wright as a lawyer trying to uncover corruption in an oil company. Maybe it was just too cerebral for me but the movie didn't answer all my questions and the first hour is confusing and one can easily become impatient. Or maybe it was just me. The movie wasn't all bad; I'm predicting an Oscar nod for Jeffrey Wright and George Clooney. In fact, as far as Clooney movies go, it's the best thing I've seen him do. And speaking of Clooney he gained 35lbs for the role and also suffered a spinal injury due to one of the fight sequences. By the way, why do mediocre actors suddenly get really good once they've gained weight for a role? Look at Woody Harrelson in The People Vs. Larry Flynt. He even got nominated for an Oscar. And speaking of Woody Harrelson......

Congrats, you've just won: Another movie I saw was The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio, a film about a housewife with 10 kids who continuously enters contests and wins. The film is adapted from Terry Ryan's book The Prize Winner of Defiance Ohio: How My Mother Raised 10 Kids on 25 Words or Less. Julianne Moore plays Evelyn Ryan, a mother trying to keep food on the table and the bills paid. She wins everything from ice crushers to rain boots to cash. Woody Harrelson plays Kelly Ryan, Evelyn's husband, who struggles with the humiliation of not being the main breadwinner and squanders his money on booze. Throughout the film I couldn't tell if Harrelson's character had some sort mental illness or if he was just a creep. And he must be storing for winter because he had quite a paunch in the movie. I don't remember Harrelson being that chunky. The film is touching and Moore's character Evelyn is perpetually happy. In fact she kept reminding me of Jim, my spouse, in that she always had a positive spin. Terry Ryan, who wrote the book, is actually one of the daughters and a bonus of the movie is that at the end we get to see the real Ryan children and see where they are today. I do have to say though that it got a little creepy during the film when Moore's and Harrelson's characters kept calling each other father and mother. I felt like I was watching some sort of twisted fantasy.

Lions, witches, and wardrobes, OH MY!!!!: This movie is what I like to call "The Lord Of The Rings of 2005." The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe is the adaptation of C.S. Lewis's book which tells the story of four children who discover a magical world inside of a wardrobe. First of all, why don't they just call it a closet? Why do they have to be so hoity toity about it? And second of all, I've never seen anyone so amazed at seeing a sheet draped over a piece of furniture in an otherwise empty room. That's the look that Lucy Pevensie, the youngest sibling gets when she first discovers the wardrobe. One other thing, if I were to discover another world inside of a closet I would be running away from it, not toward it, looking over my shoulder to see if Rod Serling was chasing me. Seriously, though, the film is truly superb. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. This is not the kind of film I usually enjoy and I enjoyed it more than all three Lord Of The Rings films combined. I read the book a couple of years ago, literally right before the movie was announced but I wish I had reread it for the detail. The movie is very very faithful to the book and now that I've enjoyed the movie so much, it's made me want to read the rest of the series. The casting of the kids is impeccable and Tilda Swinton, as the White Witch, is truly evil and gives new meaning to the term ice queen. However, I really really want an ice crown like the one she wears in the movie. In the movie the four siblings must fight the White Witch, with the help of Aslan and his army, to bring peace back to Narnia. The movie also has a line in it that contains a name I can use if and when I ever perform on stage in drag: Dolly Daydream. One other plus of the movie is that it is about an hour less than one Lord Of The Rings movie. I'm certain this film will be Oscar nominated for Best Pic and Best Director.

I think I'll start rating movies in terms of rainbow flags. How appropriate, huh? For Syriana I give 3 flags. For Prize I give 6.5 flags and for Narnia I give 9 flags.

paul

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Oscar video pick of the week: The 1973 (my birth year) movie A Touch Of Class is the story of two people who meet and fall in love but their relationship is beset with arguments, disaster, and missed opportunities. Glenda Jackson (who won Best Actress) and George Segal star in the film and the two find that comedy of errors is the least of their worries in their relationship. The film pushes them together (with one disaster after another) and then pulls them apart (as Segal's character tries to hide the affair from his wife). It's got wonderful comedy, sharp writing, quick pacing, and, of course, terrific acting. They really don't make films like this anymore. It doesn't have the typical Hollywood ending either.

Let them eat Crake: My new favorite book (just kidding, I don't really have favorites per se) is Oryx And Crake, the "post apocalyptic" novel by Margaret Atwood. Gated communities/compounds, gene splicing, creating new species, these are just a few of the things that Atwood fills her book with. Animals such as wolvogs (a combo of dogs and wolves; they look so sweet and cute but they'll take your hand off), rakunks (combo of skunks and raccoons), snats (combo of snkes and rats) and of course the Crakers, roam around the countryside. It tells the story of Jimmy (pre-apocalypse) and his best friend Glen, aka Crake, Oryx, the girl they both love, and the quest to build a human race in which people can buy the kind of child they want by manipulation of genes. Many of the things in the book aren't that far-fetched and the world described in the book seems as if it could be a reality. However, like all things that are manipulated unnaturally, nature takes a stand and the world becomes prey to a pandemic outbreak. It's a superbly written book and now I'm going to have to read some other Atwood novels.

paul

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Here's some funnies for your hump day!!

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." Miss America 1995 from Alabama, Heather Whitestone

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." Popular Pop Singer, Mariah Carey

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
University of Kentucky Basketball Forward Winston Bennett,

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," Washington DC Mayor Marion Barry

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
A congressional candidate in Texas

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
Philadelphia Phillies Manager Danny Ozark

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
Vice President Al Gore

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
Vice President Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves, How much clean air do we need?"
Chrysler Chairman and CEO Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
NFL Quarterback and Sports Analyst Joe Theisman

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
ROTC Instructor Colonel Gerald Wellman

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." Greenville, South Carolina Department of Social Services

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
FCC Chairman Mark S. Fowler
Good morning,

W(h)ine of the week: Whenever the snow starts falling heavy and fast, it never fails, the crazies come out on the roads. They drive too fast for the conditions, hog the lanes and tailgate as if their lives depended on it. I'm no old lady (usually) but when I can barely see the lines on the road, I'm not going to kill myself. The worst ones are the 18 wheeler that whiz by and blow snow everywhere so that one literally cannot see where they are going. Now if you'll excuse me, my bottle is ready.

There's one cafe in Northern Chicago that has the right idea. A Taste Of Heaven cafe owner Dan McCauley has posted a sign in his cafe that states, "Children of all ages have to behave and use their indoor voices." McCauley has received hundreds of letters and phone calls, many of which have been supportive, and not all from the state of Illinois. Of course some parents take the sign to mean that if they have children they aren't welcome. Give me a break!! I like kids, I used to work with kids, and I appreciate children, but I think kids, and more importantly parents, should behave in public places such as restaurants, libraries, banks, etc.... One place they can go wild is a playground. My spouse and I rarely eat in restaurants that may have a lot of kids. It's not that we don't like them but we want to enjoy ourselves when we're out and let's face it, many kids run wild and amok. Of course that's not all their fault......

Another thought: Saddam Hussein stormed out of his trial yesterday,told the judge to go to hell, said it was an act of terrorism that he doesn't have clean underwear (TOO much info) and can't smoke wherever he wants, and didn't show up for his trial today; DRAMA QUEEN!!!!!

paul

Monday, December 05, 2005

A little more humor

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..."duh"... bottles won't fit in typewriter!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said, "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours...power went out!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast-stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!

August - Got locked out of car in rainstorm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - Lost on a TV quiz show. The capital of California is "C"....isn't it?

October - Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4-1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!

December - Couldn't call 911... "duh"... there's no "eleven" button on the phone!
A little Monday morning humor:

DUI - West Virginian StyleRecently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Ripley,West Virginia. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar apparently so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night) -- flicked the blinkers on, then off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. The policeman's attention was totally focused on the man and his bizarre actions. The bar patron moved the vehicle forward a few inches,reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as several more of the other patron's vehicles left. At last, the parking lot empty, he pulled out of the parking lot and started to slowly drive down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the truly proud West Virginian. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Oscar video pick of the week: A 1988 film by the name of The Accidental Tourist. Tourist stars William Hurt as Macon Leary, an author of travel guides. Macon and his wife, Sarah, played by Kathleen Turner, are haunted by the death of their small son and Macon has sense insulated himself. He goes through life not touching or being touched. That is until he meets Muriel Pritchett, played with effervescent charm by Geena Davis (in her Oscar winning role). Muriel lives life to the fullest and as played by Davis, Muriel is funny and droll at the same time. She ends up touching Macon so that he has to re-examine his life and basically start from scratch. His wife leaves him and he becomes involved with Muriel but when his wife wants a second chance he has to finally commit to what he really wants. One of the best lines in the film is when Macon says to Sarah, "It's not just about how much you love someone, it's who you are when you're with them." It's an interesting character drama/comedy that should not be missed. I kept saying during the movie, "I can't believe I never saw this."

Chain up the dogs and bring on the wasps: Scientists have been studying wasps, or more specifically a species of non-stinging wasps. The wasps would be used in place of sniffing dogs and can be trained in only 5 minutes. Here's a link to the full story.


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051203/ap_on_sc/bomb_sniffing_wasps
It's barely even December and already the airwaves are saturated with Christmas carols. I do have my favorites but, call me scrooge and yell Bah Humbug at me, I like my Christmas carols the week before Christmas and not a day before. Not only that but we had our first taste of winter this past week. Granted it wasn't as bad as it could have been but we had been lucky not having snow. Usually we get some snow in October but it held off for a while this year. Thank heavens for electric blankets especially with the price of fuel oil this year. Will it be April soon? I think not!!!!

This weekend has been nice as we haven't HAD to do anything or go anywhere except for Jim's memorial service but, really, he could do that in his sleep. We went to the movies today and saw Rent; it's always nice just spending time with Jim and we really don't go to that many movies together. Mostly it's because he's so busy. For dinner we had salmonburgers. It wasn't at bad as it may sound. In fact they were very good. They were wild Alaskan salmon patties and I didn't think they would be very good but I was pleasantly surprised. Yes, we're still on our healthy diet but we are still recovering from all of the rich foods we ate over Thanksgiving weekend. Talk about a shock to the system.

Stranger than Fiction (I can't make this stuff up): A star was stolen and replaced. One of the Hollywood Walk Of Fame stars was stolen: Mr. Gregory Peck's. The star was stolen sometime near the end of November and didn't even cause an eyebrow to raise until someone noticed a few days ago. Whoever took it knew how to use a concrete saw. It's only the fourth star to be stolen since the Walk Of Fame began honoring celebrities back in 1960. At least the thief had good taste. And here's another one. I recently saw the film Good Night, and Good Luck which tells how Joseph McCarthy was "dethroned" and during initial screenings of the film some people didn't know who Joseph McCarthy was. What's more, some people complained that the actor playing Senator McCarthy was a real ham and overacted in the role. Little did they know that the actor playing Joseph McCarthy was THE Joseph McCarthy. The film uses archived footage to show the Sen. Time to hit the history books again.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Rent this: My spouse and I went to see the movie Rent and I have to say: Kenickie lives!!!! One of the characters bears a resemblance to Jeff Conaway's character in Grease. I did enjoy the movie and despite what others may say, I'm really not a musical snob: not much anyway. Seriously, I enjoyed the movie but the thinks I enjoyed the most were, believe it or not, the songs and the choreography. The songs were, for the most part, fun and uplifting; a couple were a bit too sentimental. At first I thought, 'oh no, a bunch of 20 somethings whining about their lives. If I wanted that I'd watch Friends.' But the movie grew on me. However, during the second song when the characters are asking, "How am I going to pay last year's rent?" I wanted to yell out, "GET A JOB!" Oh, but now I'm just being harsh. Six of the eight characters in the movie were the original actors during its Off-Broadway and Broadway run. The standouts in the movie are Wilson Jermaine Heredia, who plays Angel, and Jesse L. Martin (from Law and Order) who plays the character of Tom. Standout females are Idina Menzel as Maureen and Rosario Dawson (not one of the originals) as Mimi. All of the main characters are really good. The singing, dancing, and choreography are the highlights of the movie; it is a musical after all. I think it probably worked better as a stage production and I would have liked to have seen it when it first opened. I didn't enjoy it as much as the movie version of Chicago but it was fun and it was a movie date with my spouse which is always nice. The song highlights are: Take Me Or Leave Me, Santa Fe, Tango:Maureen, and La Vie Boheme. They're all fun though and much of the movie is still relevant today; especially since the population living with AIDS has surpassed the 40million mark.

One other word: I guess life is imitating art with all of the recent prison breaks. Prisoners from Texas, Washington, and now Vero Beach, Florida, have escaped. Talk about copycats. Yes, the tv show Prison Break has been one of the highlights of the tv season but this is ridiculous. And how are all of these inmates escaping anyway? Discuss amongst yourselves.


paul

Friday, December 02, 2005

I went to see the film The Squid and the Whale, one of those little-known, indie films that I like so much. I have to say it didn't do much for me. I went to see it for two reasons: First, because the film itself has been getting a lot of good reviews and second, because Jeff Daniels has been getting good reviews and has generated some Oscar buzz for his role as a self-absorbed father.
The film did have some nice moments and some unexpected parts. I always admire a movie that I cannot predict the outcome or know what's going to happen next. If I had ever talked to my parents the way the two kids in the film talk to their parents, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this. In one scene the younger kid, Frank, tells his mother, "I think you're ugly." She casually and calmly replies, "What would make you say such a thing?" In another scene the same kid tells his dad, after losing a game of ping pong, to suck one of his body parts. Hello!!! There is such a thing as corporal punishment and my parents would have used it in both of those situations. What's more, the younger kid has a habit of spreading one of his bodily fluids around the school; once in the library on a shelf of books and another time on someone's locker.
The whole family is messed up. The film is based on the childhood experiences of director Noah Baumbach and his brother but, honestly, I had a hard time getting into it. As for Daniels, sure he's good at playing a heel, but I don't see an Oscar nom. And the adult males in the movie look shabby. I kept wishing Jeff Daniels would shave off his feral beard; and I wanted to cut and style William Baldwin's hair. As for the ending, it was very unsatisfying.

paul
A Republican San Diego Congressman has left his post in disgrace. Randy Cunningham resigned this week amidst allegations of taking bribes; he pled guilty. Cunningham was so busy trying to bar same sex marriage, he was one of the sponsors of the Federal Marriage Amendment, that he neglected to keep his own affairs in order. Cunningham received over 2 million dollars in bribes including club fees, furniture, use of a yacht, a Rolls Royce, vacations, and antique Persian rugs (sounds like another Dennis Kozlowski). He even used some of the bribe money to pay for his daughter's graduation. And they call Dems morally corrupt.
All of us whine about something at some point in our lives so in celebration of the w(h)ine, I'd like to offer the w(h)ine of the week: Those of you that know me know that I really really enjoy movies. I could talk about movies until the cows come home; and don't even get me started on the Oscars. I've been seeing trailers of upcoming movies on tv and it really annoys me when I see a trailer for a movie I really want to see and I hear, 'in select cities (insert date here).' Then they always show when the film opens wide. It's always two to four weeks after it starts playing in select cities. Why can't Rochester, NY, be a select city? Why can't I see the film with the other special people? Why do I have to wait up to four weeks to see it when everyone else gets to see it? Why? Why? Why? Wah! Wah!!! Wah!!!! Excuse me my cheese is ready now.


paul

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Thanks to my spouse for this. Enjoy

Just in case you ever got the two mixed up. This should make things a bit clearer.

IN PRISON: you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK: you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON: you get three meals a day.
AT WORK: you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON: you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK: you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON: the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK: you must carry around a security card and open allthe doors for yourself.

IN PRISON: you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK: you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON: you get your own toilet.
AT WORK: you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON: they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK: you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON: the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK: you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes
from your salary to pay for prisoners.


IN PRISON: you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK: you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON: you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK: they are called managers.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

A photo of a sand sculpture at a beach in Pusan, about 260 miles southeast of Seoul. It was created during the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation. It signifies traditional Korean culture. Protesters gathered as they readied for the summit of the Pacific Rim leaders. One of those leaders was George W. Bush. Now that's a talented sandman.
Hollywood & Country part 2: Mere months after country star Kenny Chesney and Oscar winner Renee Zellweger had their marriage annuled comes news that Oscar winner Nicole Kidman (who starred with Zellweger in Cold Mountain) and country star Keith Urban have taken their relationship to the next level. The pair and their families spent Thanksgiving together at Urban's home in Tennessee. The Australian duo (although Urban was born in New Zealand; Kidman in Honolulu) have been "dating" (their reps claim they are just friends) since January.

Another one bites the dust: Another celebrity marriage down the drain. Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson are kaput as a married couple. I just have to say though that if I was Jessica Simpson and I had a man that looked like Nick Lachey, I'd go down on him every day. Likewise, if I was Nick Lachey and I had a woman that looked like Jessica Simpson, well, let's just say G spot would be part of my everyday vocabulary. It's almost as bad as when Mariah Carey divorced Tommy Mottola; I mean, HELLO!!!!!!

Goodbye big bear: Stan Berenstain, co-creator of the Berenstain bears books, has died at the age of 82. He wrote the books, more than 200 of them, with his wife. The first book, The Big Honey Hunt, was written in 1962.

Today is officially the last day of the hurricane season. However, tropical storm Epsilon has formed to the east of Bermuda and is the 26th storm this season. In an average season there are only 11. In addition, there were 13 hurricanes; only 7 form in an average season. Let's all breathe a sigh of relief. However, some storms can form in December.
A picture of treelights on Berlin's Boulevard. The boulevard stretches from Prussian King Friedrich Wilhelm I's former palace to the Brandenburg Gate. The trees are lime trees, first planted in 1647, and lit each year for Christmas. Must be some electric bill.