Yeah, Dude, let's party!!!

Check out this video from youtube. Here's one kid who needs to be put over a knee and spanked.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWj4gQivR3o

My predictions

Out of 40, I correctly guessed 32 last year. This year, I'll try to beat that. That said, here is who I think will get a nod on Tuesday morning in the race for the ever elusive Golden Man.

Best Original Screenplay:

Juno-Diablo Cody
The Savages-Tamara Jenkins
Lars And The Real Girl-Nancy Oliver
Waitress-Adrienne Shelly
Michael Clayton-Tony Gilroy

Best Adapted Screenplay:

No Country For Old Men-Joel & Ethan Coen
Atonement-Christopher Hampton
The Diving Bell And The Butterfly-Ronald Harwood
There Will Be Blood-Paul Thomas Anderson
Charlie Wilson's War-Aaron Sorkin

Best Supporting Actress:

Saoirse Ronan-Atonement
Ruby Dee-American Gangster
Tilda Swinton-Michael Clayton
Amy Ryan-Gone Baby Gone
Cate Blanchett-I'm Not There

Best Supporting Actor:

Javier Bardem-No Country For Old Men
Hal Holbrook-Into The Wild
Casey Affleck-The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford
Philip Seymour Hoffman-Charlie Wilson's War
Tom Wilkinson-Michael Clayton

Best Actress:

Angelina Jolie-A Mighty Heart
Laura Linney-The Savages
Ellen Page-Juno
Julie Christie-Away From Her
Marion Cotillard-La Vie En Rose

Best Actor:

Daniel Day-Lewis-There Will Be Blood
George Clooney-Michael Clayton
Johnny Depp-Sweeney Todd
Viggo Mortensen-Eastern Promises
Ryan Gosling-Lars And The Real Girl

Best Director:

Julian Schnabel-The Diving Bell And The Butterfly
Joel & Ethan Coen-No Country For Old Men
Jason Reitman-Juno
Tony Gilroy-Michael Clayton
Paul Thomas Anderson-There Will Be Blood

Best Picture:

Atonement
Juno
No Country For Old Men
There Will Be Blood
Michael Clayton

peace,

paul

A quick look at the GG's

The Golden Globe awards, oops, sorry the Golden Globes press conference, has come and gone and there were a few surprises on hand to rev us up for what will hopefully be an actual Academy Awards ceremony.

Actor-Johnny Depp (Sweeney Todd) won for Best Actor in a comedy or musical and Daniel Day-Lewis (There Will Be Blood) won for Best Actor in a drama. As a result, Tom Hanks (Charlie Wilson's War), who could still win the big Oscar was deprived of a win, as was Philip Seymour Hoffman (The Savages) and Denzel Washington was left out for American Gangster.

Actress-This race was much more exciting and I'm quite thrilled with both winners. For musical/comedy, Marion Cotillard won for La Vie En Rose, which means Ellen Page (Juno), Amy Adams (Enchanted), Nikki Blonsky (Hairspray) and Helena Bonham Carter (Sweeney Todd) came up empty handed. The first two were the only others who would have been most deserving to win. The actress award went to the radiant Julie Christie for Away From Her. Angelina Jolie (A Mighty Heart) and Keira Knightley (Atonement) lost to Christie who IS the most deserving of the Academy Award although Jolie still has a good shot of winning.

The supporting actor award went to Javier Bardem for No Country For Old Men which means that, once again, Hoffman (Charlie Wilson's War) lost out.

Supporting Actress went to Cate Blanchett for I'm Not There!!??!!! Yes, that's right, one of the most boring and pointless movies, in my humble opinion, of last year. The Bob Dylan pic was so slow and tedious and I would have rather have seen any one of the other four women win this award. There could be another winner come Oscar time; I hope so.

Best Picture comedy/musical was no surprise: Sweeney Todd. Juno was the only other film I think was most deserving.

Best picture drama was no surprise (maybe): Atonement. This film, along with No Country For Old Men was the most deserving. I haven't yet seen There Will Be Blood but it opens in my area this weekend.

Best Director was most shocking of all. Winner Julian Schnabel for The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (another movie that hasn't yet opened in my area) is getting many critical acclaims and beat out Tim Burton, Joel & Ethan Coen, Ridley Scott and Joe Wright. Will there be an upset at the Oscars? It's happened before.

My predictions for who will be nominated for an Oscar are coming up.

Stay tuned....

paul

My Woman

Which woman celebrity would I most like to meet? Like you have to ask....Celine Dion, of course. I saw her in Boston a year before she broke through big time with the Titanic song and she was funny and personable. Many do not like her but here is proof of just how funny and down to earth she is. Check out this link from youtube and enjoy. Discover just how f****ng awesome Celine Dion really is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQrcNujVTPA

peace,

paul

Link to a neat video

Check out Uncle Jay at www.unclejayexplains.com and while you are there make sure you view the archives for the July 2, 2007 clip. It shows just how hard our Congress has it. Whew!

Enjoy.

peace,

paul

Hot Topic Tuesday

In Da Buff: Cyclists, baseball players, Olympic athletes and now rap stars? Yes, unidentified law enforcement official has claimed that rap stars such as 50 Cent, Mary J. Blige, Timbaland, Wyclef Jean and others may have either had steroids delivered to them and/or taken them. The investigation is part of a steroid investigation in Albany. The singers themselves are not part of a criminal investigation. I won't pass judgment, however, I've seen Timbaland and Wyclef Jean and they look like they could use some steroids. Mary "Juiced" Blige and 50 Crunk, um, Cent on the other hand look like they've been sipping some special sauce. But maybe it's a result of good old fashioned working out. Has somebody measured their heads and feet recently?

A Vote For Debonair: He's been called stunning! No, not George Clooney. He's been called dashing! No, not Orlando Bloom. He's been called a perfect 10! No, not the next bachelor. It's Presidential hopeful and former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney. Yes, the self-professed Mormon always looks good with nary a hair out of place. He's neatly dressed and pressed and speaks eloquently, though a bit robotic, and has the perfect smile. Ok, but really, Mitt Romney!?! He really does nothing for me. If I was looking for a hot, sexy man and his face was in a sea of many, my eyes would pass him right by. Now, Mike Huckabee on the other hand.....Hmmmmmmm........

Don't touch the controls, we'll do it: The government of California wants to install remote controlled temperature devices in their homes next year. Refusal to comply could result in loss of a building permit.

The devices, which the government is hoping will control rolling blackouts and free up electric and natural gas resources, would regulate temperature by 4 degrees, either up or down. The devices would also control refrigerators, pool pumps, electric water heaters and computers and lights based on responses to signals from the utility companies.

Glenn Beck, a conservative radio and tv host, thinks this idea is a bad one. So do I! I agree with Glenn Beck!!! Should I be concerned about saving money and energy? Yes. Should I be forced to have my heating/cooling controlled by someone else? No. If I want to waste money and energy, I should be able to do so in the privacy of my own home. Talk about Big Brother. George Orwell is probably rolling in his grave right now.

Just call him Goober: A band teacher in the New Caney ISD in Houston, TX is in trouble for a punishment that was inflicted on one of his students. A week ago the teacher, who is on paid leave and has not been identified, allegedly told students to empty the spitvalves of their instruments into the hand of one of their classmates. The student had forgotten to bring a trumpet to class. I do believe in children being punished and learning lessons but that is just disgusting and unsanitary.

I hope you are stirring up discussion today with some topics of your own.

peace,

paul

Movie Minute

Kickin' the Bucket: In Rob Reiner's new film, The Bucket List, two terminally ill patients decide to live life the way they've always wanted and show each other a thing or two about what each other has been missing in his own life. It sounds trite and overdone, and it is. However the strength and real acting of the two leads are what keeps this film a step above a movie-of-the-week sudser.

Jack Nicholson plays hospital owner Edward Cole. Cole has cancer and seems to have more money than Donald Trump and when he ends up as a patient in his own hospital, he is flabbergasted that he doesn't have a private room. Instead he is forced to share his space with another cancer patient, Carter Chambers, played by Morgan Freeman.

The film has some good writing and the two characters do a lot of the typical I'm-dying-so-I-have-to-do-this things such as skydiving, seeing the Taj Mahal and sitting on top of the Pyramids. It's not a great film; it's not even a good film but it is a fast moving and entertains just enough to keep one interested. Let's face it, the film won't win any awards but Nicholson is clearly acting in a role in which he is almost guaranteed an Academy Award nomination (it would be his 13th). Although, I must admit, I tend to forget how good Nicholson is at playing a "nice" guy; one who is not a mobster or dangerous.

Considering this is the first time Nicholson and Freeman have acted together, one would think that there would have been fireworks instead of sparklers. And, being a Rob Reiner film, and one in which the two lead characters are dying, the director does pull out almost all the stops for the tears. The only character that I found wanting to see more of was Edward's assistant Thomas, played by Will & Grace's Sean Hayes. As the pooped upon, long suffering assistat, Thomas gives the crap right back to Nicholson's Edward. And though Hayes is basically wasted, he does give the role his most oomph. What would have really elevated this film is if Nicholson and Freeman had swapped roles; now that would have been interesting.

See The Bucket List for two powerhouse actors; just don't expect to be blown away.

Bags of popcorn (out of 5): 2.5

peace,

paul

weekly email from January 12, 2008

Hello Friends & Loved Ones,

Well, the new year is underway and how many of you (like me) have already forgotten about your new year's resolutions? Oh, still sticking to them? Well, great for you!!!! Let's face it, it's difficult to stick to our resolutions or as I like to call them goals. I will tell you two of my goals for this year; two that I intend to keep anyway. The first one is to continue to be assertive and speak frankly to people. The second one is to go scuba diving or at least learn how to scuba dive. It's something I've been wanting to do for a long time now and will finally, somehow, do this year. I can't keep talking about the skydiving, that is so five years ago. Those two things, not simple things for me, I plan on committing to and doing. I hope that whatever goals you have for this year you are able to stick to and actually get results.

Looking for a DVD this week? My pick is a remake of a 1957 movie. Yes, I'm actually recommending a remake! I saw the original 3:10 To Yuma, starring Van Heflin and the gorgeous Glenn Ford, just last year. The remake, which just happened to be released last year, stars Christian Bale and Russell Crowe.

It's the story of a down-on-his-luck rancher who is trying to keep his family afloat (sound familiar in today's cut-taxes-for-the-rich-society?) who jumps at the chance to help lead a captured fugitive to a prison train. The original had Van Heflin as the rancher and he was truly believable as sad sack rancher Dan Evans who just couldn't catch a break until Ben Wade (the outlaw) "fell" into his lap. Glenn Ford is Ben Wade who is more manipulative and suave than dangerous or scary. The film moves along briskly and is a '50's western well worth seeing (BEFORE THE REMAKE).

In the remake, Russell Crowe plays the desperado Ben Wade. And, like Ford before him, Crowe is suave AND this time also dangerous. Batman portrayer Christian Bale plays Dan Evans and, while he does a decent job as the downtrodden rancher, I didn't totally believe his performance. James Mangold (Walk The Line) directed this remake and he does a great job. The film is brisk and offers some nice and believable changes from the original, including a surprising and realistic twist at the end. I started watching this movie with Heflin and Ford's performances fresh in my mind and I was pleasantly surprised by the outcome. If I'm recommending a western, that's big news.

Until next week, stay safe, stay healthy and stay happy. Pray for each other as I pray for each of you.

love,

paul

War of the Words

It's been crippling, devastating and unbelievable! No, not the fact that Britney Spears's sister is pregnant out of wedlock (we should have ALL seen that coming) but the effect the writer's strike has had on the television industry and those of us who sit glued to it every night from 8 to 11.

The strike, which began back on November 5, 2007, is currently going on it's third month with no end in sight. Most of the late-night hosts have returned with the provision that they cannot deliever pre-written material. Some of the soap operas (yes, I know you're out there too) have episodes taped through the month of January. And there are some saving graces: American Idol, Lost (though I'll get really into it right about the time the episodes run out), Cashmere Mafia, Breaking Bad, The New Survivor, and Dexter on CBS.

That's why I'm not too worried about not knowing how newlyweds Kitty & Robert are coping on Brothers & Sisters; or, how much chaos and death Jack Bauer will cause on the newest season of 24 (the season has been postponed because of the strike); or, just how close Gabby & Edie will really become now that they've gone through that "whirlwind experience" on Desperate Housewives; or, knowing if Henry is really the father of Charlie's baby on Ugly Betty. Don't get me wrong, I will miss these shows but I haven't gone into withdrawal. By the time AI, Survivor and those other new shows that I want to check out are over, it will be summertime and everyone knows there's NOTHING good on during the summer. Right!

The strike has no doubt been terrible for the livelihood of the thousands of writers, however, it has been good for me because I've actually had more time to read, catch up on the news, spend more time with friends and blog more. Ok, maybe not the last one; but I'm trying. Yes, this is where my spouse would say, "Yes, Paul, you are very trying."

But I digress! The fact is that, I, a veritable tv junkie am actually enjoying the freedom from the tube. It's something I never thought I'd be saying. Of course, I will be watching the paltry 8 episodes of Lost and following the tuneless antics of the Hollywood Hopefuls on AI but it's nice to not have between 15 and 20 shows (at least) that I "just have to watch" every single week.

Having said that, I am truly hoping that the writer's strike ends.....SOON! Not just for the families of the writers that are affected but because I will be deeply disappointed if the Academy Awards are affected by the strike. The word is still out on how the Golden Globes will look.

There is one other reason that I'm not freaking out about the tv situation and that is because in today's tv-on-dvd culture, almost every tv show ends up on DVD so one can watch a whole season in one sitting; provided that the season aired and wasn't a victim of a scribe strike. Check out your favorite shows online too. Missed an episode and want to catch up before you start watching again, go online and see the eps you missed. Make sure you have high speed or wireless. It just doesn't work well on dialup.

So, for a while at least, I can enjoy going to the movies during the work week (I do still have some movies to see before the telecast of the big O) and not waste my whole weekend at the cinemas.

And if I do happen to get bored, I can always catch up on how the parenting book by Lynne Spears is coming or just which athlete Jessica Simpson is currently dating or catch up on the latest escapades of O.J. Simpson or which of the Dems/Repubs are ahead and behind. And while I'm catching up on the juice I will be quietly dreaming of once again returning to the days of being held prisoner by the picture box.

peace,

paul

weekly email from December 31, 2007

Hello Friends & Loved Ones,

Here it is just a couple of days from the New Year and many of us, myself included, are eager to say good riddance to 2007. For me, 2007 was a turbulent and unsettling year. Yes, there were lots of good times and happy memories but there were way too many negative and disappointing moments that I'm glad to say goodbye to....forever.

If you are looking for some feel good movies to see in the next week or two, I've got two for you that both Jim and I saw and enjoyed.

P.S. I Love You: A woman loses her husband (and not in the produce section of Wegmans) and starts the mourning process only to receive gifts and letters from her departed beloved. The scheme is to get her to start living her life again but it only complicates matters when she refuses to let him go. Hilary Swank is a wonderfully comedic actress and Lisa Kudrow is perfect in the role of one of Swank's friends (even though it's just a variation on her Friends character). The film also stars Gerard Butler, Kathy Bates, and the hunk from Grey's Anatomy Jeffrey Dean Morgan. It's not really a comedy but if I laugh out loud at least a dozen times, it's got to be worth seeing.

Juno: Another movie with a wonderful lead actress. A high schooler becomes pregnant and decides to give the baby up for adoption. She seeks out a couple who are unable to have children and as her pregnancy moves further along, she begins to wonder if she made the right decision. I won't tell you exactly what happens, but the actress Ellen Page is simply remarkable. The Canadian actress is 20 years old but very convincingly plays a 16-year old and even more convincingly played a 14-year-old teen with a grudge against a suspected pedophile in the film Hard Candy. She's a young actress who will be in at least several more movies in the coming year and could have a long and tremendous career. The film also stars Allison Janney, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman and Michael Cera (from Superbad & Arrested Development).

Those are two movies that should be greatly enjoyable.

For the coming days and the new year, I pray for each of you peace, love, laughter and lots of joy.

Pray for each other as I pray for you.

peace,

paul

movie minute

For Whom The Bell Tones: In director Joe Wright's (Pride & Prejudice) new movie Atonement, a child's imagination and war rips apart two lovers.

As the film begins, it's a beautiful summer day in England in 1935. The Tallis household is in excitment as the oldest brother will soon be returning to visit bringing with him chocolate magnate Paul Marshall (creepily played by Benedict Cumberbatch Thirteen year old fledgling writer Briony Tallis is working on her play to celebrate the occasion. Soon, however, the anticipation and excitement turns to betrayal when Briony (wonderfully played by newcomer Saoirse Ronan) catches sight of the housekeepers son Robbie Turner (a terrific James McAvoy) and older sister Cecilia (Keira Knightley) in a compromising position. Soon there is a disappearance and Briony stumbles upon her cousin who says she was attacked. Speculation becomes truth when Briony implicates Robbie in the attack.

The film's second part deals with the after effects of Briony's claim and the effect WWII has on the three main characters. We soon see Briony (now played by Romola Garai) as a nurse and with age has come maturity and a realization at the power her statement has had on the people she loves.

McAvoy gives a truly moving performance, especially in the scene in which he confronts a grown up Briony. Both actresses who play Briony do a decent job, although Ronan has the meatier role and could easily score an Oscar nod. Knightley is decent as the lovestruck and then bitter sister, however, I wasn't blown away by her the way some other reviewers are. She does definitely have an unconventional beauty and she'll almost certainly score an Oscar nod but there's no way she'll win with this role.

Wright does a good job directing but the first part of the film could have been punched up just a bit. There are a number of shots in the film that are too long. There are also some unnecessary shots; especially of a certain word while 13-year-old Briony reads a fateful letter.

Atonement does deserve the acclaim it is receiving and it will definitely get at least several Oscar nods; maybe even the most of any film this year. Last year that distinction went to Dreamgirls; it had eight.

See the movie Atonement and marvel at the story, acting and cinematography and complexity of human emotion. Just prepared to be disappointed by what is lost if you are a fan of the book.

Bags of popcorn (out of 5): 3.75

peace,

paul

Fevered Friday

Caucus Take One: Well, the first caucus is history and there's a couple of surprises to come out of Iowa; on both sides of the aisle.

First, the Republicans weren't congratulating Mitt Romney, instead they were celebrating the victory of Mike Huckabee. Mike Huckabee? Yes, the outspent and recently single-digit trailer managed to take the lead with 34% of the vote. Romney had only 25%. Huckabee, or Fuckable as I like to crudely call him, is a former Baptist minister and claims to be a man of God. Ok, so I don't really want another Republican president but I wouldn't kick him out of my bedroom. So what!

The Democrats are the bigger surprise, in my opinion. Instead of frontrunner Hillary Clinton celebrating today, Barack Obama took the victory in Iowa with 38%. Clinton placed third, yes third, behind Edwards. She must really be loving that!

Now the candidates prepare for New Hampshire which takes place next week. No doubt there's going to be a lot of scrambling going on; for both the winners and the rest of the pack.

Stay tuned...

paul

Thursday Tidbits

Pat Nutterson?: Well, "Mr-let's-assassinate-Hugo Chavez" has spoken again. Yes, Pat Robertson has made his annual prediction of doom and gloom. You may remember that last January Robertson predicted that a "mass killing" would affect major cities and possibly millions of people. He predicted the terrorist attack would occur in the U.S. sometime after Sept. '07. The previous year he stated that God told him "the coasts of America will be lashed by storms" and that there could well be a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest. Aren't the coasts of America lashed by storms of some kind every year?

This year Robertson is predicting a recession and a major stock market upheaval and also says that oil will reach $150 a barrel; currently it's at $100. "I also believe the Lord was saying by 2009, maybe 2010, there's going to be a major stock market crash." Just what the people on Wall Street want to hear!

I believe the man who once said that Ariel Sharon's stroke was divine retribution for the Gaza Strip pullout is suffering from a condition known as megalomania. Can't wait to hear what's all in store for next year.

Hot Panties: When a British woman's kitchen almost caught fire, her unmentionables saved the day. Darren Lines was frying bread in his aunt's kitchen in Hartlepool when the kitchen caught fire. Quick thinking Lines used the best thing he could think of to put out the flames...his aunt's powder blue XL underpants.

A fire official said Lines made a good decision by running the underpants under the water and smothering the flames.

The condition of the panties: Slightly scorched. Gives new meaning to the term "smokin' hot."

peace,

paul

A final look at 2007

Ahhh....2007, a year in which Britney Spears could do no right, The Sopranos came to a sudden end, and the writers became mad as hell and wouldn't take it anymore.

Some other happenings in '07...

Nancy Pelosi became the first woman speaker of the house; the war in Iraq began it's fifth year; China experienced massive recalls and has some thinking they are trying to kill us with their tainted products; former astronaut Lisa Nowak is arrested; Tony Blair steps down; shooting at the Trolley Square Mall in Salt Lake City, Utah; Marie Osmond faints on Dancing With The Stars; the Indianapolis Colts win the Super Bowl; the Virginia Tech massacre; Bob Barker finishes The Price Is Right; Drew Peterson; Martin Scoreses FINALLY wins an Oscar; Live Earth; iphone goes on sale; concert to commemorate Princess Diana dying 10 years ago; two television helicopters collide in Phoenix; I-35W Mississippi Bridge collapses; Sydney goes dark for a global climate change; Barry Bonds hits 756; Marion Jones admits to doping; coal mine collapse in Huntington, Utah; Anna Nicole Smith dies; shooting at the Westroads Mall in Omaha, Nebraska; California wildfires; Judge Larry Seidlin; Boston Red Sox win again and Queen Elizabeth II becomes oldest ever monarch and televises her 50th Royal Christmas message.

Yes, 2007 was an interesting year; at times exciting and irritating. As the year comes to a close, I've compiled some of my favs and not-so-favs of the year. Enjoy! I did, at times.

Movies: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly and Atonement are not yet playing in Rochester, however, there are some movies I saw this year that were great. Two of those movies are Once and Away From Her.

Once is the story of a busker and an immigrant who meet and fall in love all the while expressing their feelings through song. The movie is touching, engaging and features some of the best movie music of the year. It stars unknowns and is a little-released and seen film, however, it's definitely one to be seen; especially for those that believe in the power of love at first sight. It's now available on DVD.

Away From Her stars the radiant and beautiful Julie Christie. She's back in a big way as a woman suffering from Alzheimer's. When her husband has her institutionalized, Christie reconnects with a man she used to know making her husband jealous and making the viewer wonder just how cognizant Christie is of what she is doing. Christie turns in a tremendously quiet but powerful performance and Gordon Pinsent, as her husband, is sympathetically moving in actress turned director Sarah Polley's nearly flawless film.

Honorable Mentions:

No Country For Old Men, The Lives Of Others, and Dan In Real Life.

Major disappointments/stinkers of the year: Pirates of the Carribean 3: At World's End, Spider-Man 3, Georgia Rule, I'm Not There, The Darjeeling Limited, and Lions For Lambs.

Music:

If you weren't annoyed by Rihanna's "Umbrella" or Timbaland's "The Way I Are" well you should have been because I was. There were some less annoying songs that were catchy and worth listening to over and over again. Below are just a few.

Canadian alt group Arcade Fire was definitely worth listening to with their critically acclaimed album Neon Bible and Paul McCartney was wonderfully winsome with his release Memory Almost Full.

Singles worth listening to:

No One by Alicia Keys
Makes Me Wonder by Maroon 5
Apologize by Timbaland w/One Republic
Shadow Of The Day by Linkin Park


Books:

I really enjoy reading and read a number of fiction and non-fiction books from Barack Obama to Harry Potter. Below my fav fiction and my fav non-fiction.

Non-fiction: The Birthday Party by Stanley N. Alpert. A former US assistant Attorney is abducted at gunpoint on the eve of his 38th birthday. The ensuing story of his imprisonment and the trial is thrilling and vivid.

Fiction: No, not Harry Potter, instead it was A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. A story of two women in Afghanistan whose lives are intertwined and become closer than they ever imagined. An adaptation of Hosseini's first book, The Kite Runner, is currently playing in theaters.

The worst: If I Did It by OJ Simpson; The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold.

TV: Some of the best so far have been Pushing Daisies, Life, Brothers & Sisters and Desperate Housewives, the tornado episode notwithstanding.

The worst includes Heroes, October Road, Prison Break, Big Brother and Samantha Who.

That's it for me in '07. I will definitely write you in '08.

peace,

paul

TALENT x 10

Check out the Men's a capella group from Indiana University. Called Straight No Chaser, in this clip from youtube they sing the 12 Days of Christmas.

Enjoy & Merry Christmas!

paul

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8

Friday humor

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________________
ATT ORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci Sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
_____________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m .
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing

Heeheehee,

paul

Interesting

Some thought-provoking questions....I've supplied the answers (my answers, anyway).

Can you cry under water?

(If you did, you wouldn't have to dry your eyes.)

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your
thoughts"?
Where's that extra penny going to?

(It's going towards the price of gas.)

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
in for eternity?

(I thought there were no clothes in heaven.)

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

(I wonder who even thought of this question. Someone with way too much time on their hands...wait how can one have time on their hands, unless one is wearing a watch. I just answered my own question.)

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?

(And why do we say, we slept like a log when logs don't sleep. Logs aren't even real.)

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

(HUH???? Speak up!!!)

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

(This could go for the word pants also, there is only one and yet they are a pair.)

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

(So that we can sing stupid songs about people we don't care about.)

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

(And why is it called a 'carpool' lane? It has nothing to do with a pool.)

WHY DO YOU DRIVE ON A PARKWAY AND PARK ON A DRIVEWAY??

(Good question. I think it's so we will be confused.)

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why
can't he fix a hole in a boat?

(Because then there wouldn't have been a show every single week for 3 years.)

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he
just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables,what is baby oil made from?

(Do we really want to know the answer to this one???)

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call
it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ASS?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

peace,

paul

unbelievable!!!!

Check out this 8 year old, Anthony Gargiula, who's never had a singing lesson. He was recently on the Ellen show singing Stevie Wonder's "Signed, Sealed, Delivered." He's also featured on youtube singing the National Anthem (at 7 years old). Check out both and be amazed. A future American Idol winner?

peace,

paul

http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2007/12/a_star_was_born_about_8_years.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sR2rvxSUr7w

On the radio-December edition

Yes, there are good songs on the radio. Here's three that I am currently enjoying...

Alicia Keys-No One (she's back and hotter than ever with this upbeat hit).

Linkin Park-Shadow Of The Day (the rock-alt group know how to make a ballad; pretty yet not treacly). Bonus points for this group: They recently donated $50,000 to aid families affected by the California fires. Awesome!!!

Miley Cyrus-See You Again. If I didn't already know this was Billy Ray Cyrus's daughter, I'd think there was a new wannabe rocker chick on the scene. Oh, wait, maybe she is. She certainly sounds like it. This song rocks! It's nothing new or innovative but it's fun; pure sugar.

peace,

paul

weekly post from December 1, 2007

Hello friends & loved ones,

Last week was my first weekly email in a long time. I was reminded that I had not posted
on my blog since October; and even that posting wasn't anything significant. I apologize
to those of you who did not get my email last week, I know I missed several of you.

Today is World AIDS Day and I have never known anyone to die of the disease. I do know
some people who are living with it. That is the key; living! I'm reminded of something
today as I complain about the slow driver in front of me, whine that I don't have enough
money after my bills, fume that I don't know when my favorite shows will have new
episodes again and become petulant when I am too busy to do things that I want to do.
I'm reminded that I am healthy and, even though it's no longer considered a death
sentence, I do not have to live each day remembering to take my meds, worrying that I
might catch, and never recover from, the cold that is going around, or being afraid if
I'm ever going to find someone to love me even though I have an incurable and infectious
disease. I will continue to remind myself of the fact that I am healthy and remember to
pray each day for those who are not. I urge each of you to do the same. And remember to
live, live, live. We never know when we won't have the opportunity to do so.

On a lighter and final note, if you get a chance to rent a movie in the next couple of
weeks then rent the movie Vitus (it's available at Hollywood Video). It's the story of a
child piano prodigy who is pushed by his mother to excel, all the while forcing him to
live a childhood he does not want. It's a really well done film and, yes, it's in German
with English subtitles, however, don't let that deter you. The casting, especially of
the child, is really nicely done and it will make you think.

Until next time, stay safe, stay healthy, and stay happy. And remember to live your own
life.

love,

paul