1/17/2006

It looks like this year Gay is in. Not only did the movies Transamerica and Capote win Golden Globe awards for their respective leads (Felicity Huffman, who actually plays a male-to-female transgender, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman who plays gay writer Truman Capote) but the film Brokeback Mountain won best dramatic film and Ang Lee won best director. Do you think Brokeback Mountain is the gayest film of all time? Think again. Below is an article written by Jeremiah Tucker of the Boston Globe. He traces 10 movies that are even gayer than that old mountain.

By Jeremiah TuckerTHE JOPLIN GLOBE (JOPLIN, Mo.)
I am excited to see “Brokeback Mountain.”
The critically acclaimed movie about the tortured love affair between two cowboys should arrive at my neighborhood theater soon, but I realize that many straight men fear a movie about gay men.
However, I am betting many have already watched far gayer movies than “Brokeback Mountain.”
The entire premise of World Wrestling Entertainment is tanned, oiled, muscular men wearing only Spandex underwear rubbing against each other and pretending to tussle.
There is also a rich cinematic history of unintentionally gay movies. In preparation to watch Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal’s romance blossom on screen, here are 10 movies gayer than “Brokeback Mountain” that you may have already sat through and enjoyed.
10. ‘Sidekicks’
This 1992 movie is about a sensitive teenager named Barry played by Jonathan Brandis who can’t stop fantasizing about Chuck Norris. Actual line delivered by Brandis while pining for Chuck Norris -- “Nobody likes me. Why would he?”
9. ‘Footloose’’
There is nothing gay about teaching your buddy to dance, but Kevin Bacon spending hours teaching a naive, muscular farm boy how to do intricately choreographed dance moves should raise a few eyebrows.
8. ‘Road House’
By no stretch of the imagination is “Road House” a chick flick, so why the long, languorous scenes with a shirtless, lubed-up Patrick Swayze practicing his karate? Not to mention Swayze’s curious May-December relationship with “mentor” Sam Elliott.
7. ‘Karate Kid’
Why are the Cobra Kais constantly hanging out together without girls? They play soccer together, ride motorcycles together, take the same karate class, dress like each other, go to dances together -—they even go to the bathroom together. Plus, their complete subservience to their alpha-male “sensei” is a bit creepy, and their aggression toward skinny pretty boy Daniel has a distinct hint of self-loathing — could their fists be masking feelings they’re not ready to admit?
6. The ‘Mad Max’ trilogy
The costume designers for figure skaters couldn’t have designed gayer outfits for the future. Throw in diva Tina Turner and you have three movies that set the mold for Mel Gibson’s orientation-bending “Lethal Weapon” series.
5. ‘Three Men and A Baby’
A movie about three wealthy, educated, good-looking “confirmed bachelors” in their mid-to-late 30s living in a modern, impeccably decorated loft and raising a baby together.
4. ‘Anything With Van Damme’
No man has ever loved doing the splits while wearing next-to-nothing more than Jean-Claude. Possibly his most notorious split is a scene early in “Timecop” where he leaps up to avoid being electrocuted and straddles two pieces of furniture, but then proceeds to bounce up and down, legs splayed, wearing tiny shorts. See also “Kickboxer.”
3. ‘Batman and Robin’
My whole life I defended Batman and Robin as a platonic relationship forged in a mutual dedication to crime fighting. Then Joel Schumacher takes over and suddenly Batman and Robin are dressed in fetishistic latex with Bat nipples and gigantic codpieces prancing around sets that Elton John would find too flamboyant.
2. ‘Rocky 3’
I’ve raced friends before. Sure, we weren’t wearing a mixture of Spandex and obscenely short shorts, but we foot raced. So I can understand how emotions can run high during competition. Even so, none of my races ended in an elated, slow motion embrace in the ocean, nor did my climactic race come after a bunch of oily training sessions with ripped men in dark gyms.
1. ‘Top Gun’
Iceman: “You can be my wingman any time!”
Maverick: “Bull---, you can be mine!”
The homoerotic subtext of “Top Gun” is well documented. Just watch “Sleep With Me” and listen to Quentin Tarantino’s humorous rant about the topic, but watching the movie makes it obvious. Numerous emotional scenes between men just out of the shower, the absurd volleyball match, the too-close bonds between men and Tom Cruise’s apathetic relationship with Kelly McGillis prove a movie can be both awesome and gay.

Jerremiah Tucker writes for The Joplin (Mo.) Globe.