weekly post from June 10, 2006

"It's just another week" edition

Howdy friends, loved ones, & pardners:

Sorry, I guess I'm still in country-western mode; between the movie The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada and the singing cowboys in A Prairie Home Companion, I'm feeling like I'm in the wild west.

We've had some crazy weather this week. It was rainy and cool, even chilly as temps got down into the 40's some nights. Today is a bit cool but we just went out to the local Shur-Fine (or, as I like to say, shurr-fiiine) and the sun came out and Jim remarked what a pretty evening it was. We had a lazy day today which was very very nice. We went outside for a bit to do some cutting of weeds and take some concrete blocks apart. I myself got up at 5 this morning and then went back to bed around 6:30 and didn't get back up until after 2pm. Talk about a slug. I'll work it off singing and praising in church tomorrow. We watched the movie Glory Road about the Texas Western basketball team that made NCAA history in 1966. It was a so-so movie and at the end Jim asked me, as he always does at the end of sports movies, "What possessed you to rent a sports movie?" Because it has Josh Lucas. Because it has that chick from Bones. I don't know.

Tonight Jim has to make hummus for church tomorrow. After church we are having a little cookout to celebrate the people who helped make our garage sale such a success. Hopefully the weather will be nice. And hopefully your Saturday evening is turning out splendidly and your Sunday will be even better.

hump day humor

50 ways to offend everyone.

Alabama
Hell Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska
11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong

Arizona
But It's A Dry Heat

Arkansas
Literacy Ain't Everything

California
By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut
Like Massachusetts,Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet

Delaware
We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida
Ask Us About Our Grandkids, And Our Voting Skills

Georgia
We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)

Idaho
More Than Just Potatoes, Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois
Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa
We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas
First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky
Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana
We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine
We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland
If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's And Our Senators Are More Corrupt
Michigan
First Line Of Defense - From The Canadians

Minnesota
10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi
Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana
Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Honest Elections

Nebraska
Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada
Hookers and Poker

New Hampshire
Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey
You Want A ##$%##! Motto?I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here

New Mexico
Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York
You Have The Right To Remain Silent,You Have The Right To An Attorney, And No Right To Self Defense

North Carolina
Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota
We Really Are One Of The 50 States

Ohio
At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma
Like The Play, But No Singing

Oregon
Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania
Cook With Coal

Rhode Island
We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina
Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet

South Dakota
Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee
Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum

Texas
Don't Mess with Texas

Utah
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont
Ay, Yep

Virginia
Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix

Washington
Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor

West Virginia
One Big Happy Family...Really

Wisconsin
Come Cut Cheese

Wyoming
Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared

big day

Superman Returns opens today and while I would like to see the film, I'm going to wait. I will definitely see it, I just don't know if I'll see it on the big screen. Another character from the world of written page made news yesterday; Harry Potter is back in the news. The fifth film, Order Of The Phoenix, won't be out until next summer but there's already talk of what will happen in the 7th and final book. No word on when the book will be released but speculation is that it will come out around the same time as the movie and Rowling supposedly wrote the final chapter years ago. At least two characters will die in the book, Rowling has said and mysteriously hinted that Harry may be one of them. I'm all giddy with excitement and will be sad when the book has been read. For there are to be no more......

peace,

paul

Great Scot

I'm part Scottish and I'm proud to say that in Glasgow and Edinburgh gay civic partnerships made up one in five weddings in the first three months of this year. Scotland introduced the new legislation in December of last year and since then 350 gay couples have wed.


peace,

paul

Only in NYC!!!!

Ewwww!!! Scrape that up? Like, I don't think soooooooo.....

Oops!!!

In case you are unable to make out the caption, it reads:

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain speaking. Firstly, I'd like to thank you for choosing to fly Mandarin Airlines. As we taxi out of the runway please make yourself comfortable...and for those of you sitting on the right side of the plane...please look to your LEFT!

And the cigarette you're puffing away on is safe?

DVD of the week

My spouse and I were going to go see the new movie Click today but we just couldn't muster the enthusiasm to go see it on the big screen; it's definitely a DVD movie. In the meantime, we rented the film End Of The Spear, newly out on video. Spear, which is based on a true story, came out earlier this year amidst controversy by the religious right over gay actor Chad Allen's casting in the lead role. He plays the head missionary, Nate Saint, one of five guys who hope to integrate themselves into the Waodani tribe in order to facilitate peace in Ecuador. The five are killed and as a result the women of the men live with the tribe to show them that not all foreigners are killers. The Waodani tribe were notorious for their killing of each other. Chad Allen does a good job and the movie is excellent; it's definitely a must see. I've also included a link to a website of the film for a better idea of the timeline that the film covers. The music is haunting and beautiful and while there are a few moments that are almost too overly sentimental, it's a wonderfully directed film that is truly touching. Rent it today.

Here's the link for the film. http://www.endofthespear.com/

peace,

paul

joke

My thanks to my friend Francine for this.

This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship the Lord." "Thank you!" the woman responds. So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

Sing it again, Chung (silently this time)

http://www.drunkreport.com/reports/connie.chung.sings.htm

Check out Connie Chung as an "American Idol" reject wannabe. With the cancellation of hers and Maury's show, Connie celebrated with song. The big question now is, "Was she drunk or just high on cancellation?"

Sunday funny 2

BREAKING NEWS!

In an attempt to thwart the worldwide spread of bird flu, American President George W. Bush has bombed the Canary Islands. Turkey is next.

Sunday funny

My Neighbor doesn't like my bush so I trimmed it.

delightful DVD

A terrific and charming movie to check out this weekend is the small film The World's Fastest Indian. It tells of Burt Munro's travels from New Zealand to Utah to compete in setting a land speed record. Anthony Hopkins plays Munro at times sharper than a tack and others a doddering fool. The real Munro set a land speed record on an Indian motorcycle at the Bonneville salt flats and the fish out of water story as Munro becomes accustomed to life in America is well done and quite funny at times. Hopkins is sometimes underrated as an actor but this movie shows that he's still quite compelling and has got it going on. It's a wonderfully picaresque film and it somewhat restores the faith of people in America; we're not all rude and cynical. The race scenes are exhilarating and it's not overly sentimental. It's a must see for fans of Hopkins or good stories.

peace,

paul

The Heretic Sessions, Part II

I'm so tired of adults acting immaturely and like babies. If someone is upset with me about something or if I've slighted someone and I don't realize it, I want them to come to ME and tell me. Then we can have a dialogue like adults. I don't want to hear it second-hand. I can't stand gossiping. I'm not a prude by any means, however, if I have something to say to someone, I'll go to that person. What's this just getting all mad or in a huff and telling somone, "Oh, I'm mad at that person, I'm not going to have anything to do with them." And then storm off. That kind of behavior pisses ME off. People who are supposed to be adult all of a sudden start acting like 3-year-olds. How absolutely disgusting.

Let's take responsibility for our behavior and be the big person we have grown up to be.

peace & a grown-up,

paul

Super Religion

Here's a neat theory: Your favorite superhero is religious. www.beliefnet.com has created a chart that lists the faith of each superhero. For example, Superman could be a Jew. He did come to life from two Jewish cartoonists and battled the Nazis. Also, he's compared to the golem myth by some scholars. Don't worry, he's not Jewish, he's believed to be Methodist. Meanwhile, the Thing is a Jew and Batman is either a lapsed Roman Catholic or Episcopalian.

Check out the chart to see what your favorite superhero is.

http://www.beliefnet.com/features/comicbookfaith.html

peace,

paul

biting bitch

Ann Coulter, the vicious-mouthed, vile Republican has struck again. This woman is either one of the biggest idiots on earth or she just likes to see how shocking she can be. Here's a direct quote from her new book, "Godless:The Church Of Liberalism."

"These broads are millionaires...reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis. I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much."

What is this broad smoking? Who in their right mind would be happy that their husband died, and in a fiery plane crash no less? Where does she get her information? I admit I've read a couple of her books just to see what she has to say and it's not much. I think she needs to move to Afghanistan and live with all of the other extremists.

peace,

paul

Our hard earned money at work

$300 on adult erotica (Girls Gone Wild videos), a 70 day stay in Hawaii, a sex change operation, $600 at a strip club, $200 bottle of champagne at Hooters. These are just some of the charges made with debit cards that FEMA gave out to help victims of hurricanes Katrina and Rita, ratcheting up a debt of over 1 billion dollars. Some people even admitted to having property that were just vacant lots. Yeah, I just lost everything and don't even have clothes to wear so I think I'll go out and buy a $200 bottle of champagne and while I'm out I'll just become a woman. Damn, what's wrong with people? How greedy and dishonest can one get? Pretty dishonest and greedy according to this. I'd be out buying a new car with all the bells and whistles, a new house, etc, etc.


Read the whole story.


http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/06/14/fema.audit/index.html

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060614/ap_on_go_co/katrina_fraud

peace,

paul

The Heretic Sessions, Part I

I heard something recently that set my teeth on edge and I had to bite my tongue because I was in the role of deacon. A woman who lost her spouse a year ago was feeling anguish and sadness because the anniversary of the woman's death was approaching. She kept asking, "How could God take her from me?" I was sympathetic; I'm not a complete cold-hearted bastard and yet I couldn't help realize that this is probably the mainstream thinking. God kills people; God makes people sick; God does this to me. I don't believe it, not for a second. I believe in God and think God is there as more of a spiritual advisor; someone who will never judge, never turn away from us, never use anger to get back at us. I certainly don't think of God as someone picking and choosing what to do and whom to do it to. We are only human, we're going to get sick. We can be as healthy in every part of our living as possible and still have the genetic makeup that will cause us to get a disease or a sickness. We're human; our bodies can only withstand so much before they give out. Look at our athletes, look at what they do to their bodies every year. Why do you think that athletes don't play their sport forever? As for evil and corruption, free will is to blame for that. Every day we have the choice to do what is right and virtuous or to steal, cheat, lie and even murder. That is the choice each person has every single day; simple as that.

This woman was also upset because she has been unable to find another lover. I just wanted to tell her that she'd never find someone while she's in the place of comparing everyone new to her former spouse, while she's still grieving her spouse, and while she is still a mess inside. We must be ready to receive gifts before we can receive them. That's really not difficult to understand.
Maybe one day we'll all just get it.

peace,

paul

Down on the Prairie

A Prairie Home Companion is this week's movie. The film is a performance, the last performance before the theatre is torn down, of a radio show that has played for decades at the Fitzgerald Theater. During the movie we get to see the characters sing, dance, play their own instruments and some backstage drama as well. The movie, shot mostly at the actual Fitzgerald in Minnesota, features Kevin Kline as Guy Noir; Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep as the Johnson sisters, a duo who used to be a quartet; Lindsay Lohan as Streep's daughter; Woody Harrelson and John C. Reilly as cowboys Dusty & Lefty, respectively; Maya Rudolph as the stage manager and, of course, Garrison Keillor who plays GK. The film is entertaining enough and has some really catchy songs, especially one called Bad Jokes, which is sung by the cowboys. The cast is aware that this is to be their last show but try to make the best of it. However, when something tragic happens to one of the cast members an even bigger pall is cast over the show. There are some strange things in this movie including Tommy Lee Jones as the axeman. He is the man who bought the theater and is planning on turning it into a parking lot. He shows up very briefly and then leaves; couldn't he have done his business over the phone like everyone else? Another pointless character is the Dangerous Woman, played by Virginia Madsen. She's an angel, ok. She walks around with a dazed look on her face like she's trying to figure out which movie set she's supposed to be on. Keillor, on the other hand, is captivating. He commands the screen by hardly doing anything except talking. If you are familiar with the Prairie Home Companion radio show, you'll know what to expect. Directed by prolific helmsman, Robert Altma, the film moves along briskly and even uses some of the actual musicians and performers from the radio program. Disappointing, however, is the fact that there are no mini dialogue skits and no skits featuring catsup, one of the sponsors. The jingle is mysteriously absent too. That is one of my favorite parts of the radio broadcast. I don't see this being a big hit, maybe not even a medium sized hit but the cast is good and there are worse movies one could sit through.

peace,

paul

My thanks to Christopher for sending this one. Sad but true.


In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked andover-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire onlyUnion workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. "Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

My thanks to my friend Naida for sending this. My favorite is the last one. Rooney would be Andy Rooney from 60 Minutes.

1. Rooney on Monica. Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week. It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands and knees.

2. Rooney on Vegetarians. Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."

3. Rooney on Prisoners. Did you know that it costs $40,000 a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And, if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.

4. Rooney on Fabric Softeners. My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring. But, it's hard to get that April Fresh scent out of your clothes.

5. Rooney on morning differences. Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve. !

6. Rooney on 'cripes' My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes' 'For Cripes sake.' Who would that be; Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?

7. Rooney on Grandma My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you! wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.

8. Rooney on answering machines. Did you ever hear one of these corny positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is: 'Share the love'." BEEP "Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling. Speaking of being positive, your test results are back. Stop sharing the love."

al-Qaida leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed this past week and cheers and applause were all the show. I can understand that people would be glad that al-Zarqawi is no longer a threat, however, do we really need to celebrate the death of someone? Especially on national tv. Of course, speculation abounds that one of al-Zarqawi's comrades will take his place and the fight is far from over; insurgents are still all over the place and bombings are still a daily occurrence.

In other news, the Senate failed to get the votes to pass a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage and Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy summed it up nicely. Why are they wasting their time on an amendment to ban same-sex marriage when there are plenty of other more pressing issues plaguing the nation. Don't get me wrong I believe in same-sex marriage, however, I don't think there should be an amendment either way. I believe it should be up to the states.

peace,

paul

weekly post from May 27, 2006

Hello friends & loved ones,

Jim and I had two date nights in a row but we are not doing well with movies. Yesterday we went to see X-Men III: The Last Stand and it was not even close to as good as the first two. I like to joke that it's because the first two were directed by a gay guy. The third one had too many mutants and not enough story for them. There were some good special effects though. After the movie we went a Lebanese restaurant called Oasis. The food was fabulous. We had a salad (I really like Greek salads), an entree and dessert and neither one of us felt full or uncomfortable. The waitress was a young, cute and chatty college student. The cook even came out and made Jim Turkish coffee (like he used to have in Baghdad). And it was a restaurant that I had never eaten at before (Jim, of course, had been there before. He's been everywhere it seems.).

Today we went with our church group to see The DaVinci Code. Really, read the book. The book was exciting and fast paced while the movie was boring and long. There was no excitement and the ending seemed to go on forever. I honestly cannot see why anyone would want to picket the film. The only thing I can think of is the movie may cause people to question and to think for themselves and not what the church tells them to believe. After the movie today we went to a Thai restaurant called The King & I. Both of our dishes were spicy and the food was not nearly as enjoyable as the food at Oasis.

Now we are relaxing and getting ready for Sunday. I just finished mowing a bit and will finish the rest tomorrow. The whole area I mow covers an acre. For some strange reason I enjoy it; I don't enjoy sweating though.

Well, wherever you are tonight, enjoy yourself. Also have a restful Memorial Day weekend and remember be safe, be healthy, and be happy. And don't forget to think for yourselves.

love,

paul

Exceptional powers

Jim & I went to see X-Men: The Last Stand. Hopefully this will be the final one and while the special effects were cool, the costumes were gay and a lot of the dialogue was corny. There was even a transgendered mutant (I don't mean that disparagingly, the characters with special powers are called mutants). The film focuses on a cure for the mutants; will they or won't they opt to live a "normal" life? Also Jean Grey is back but she's evil and her power is uncontrollable and deadly.

The third one is definitely not as good as the first two and the director is Hollywood womanizer Brett Ratner instead of gay director Bryan Singer. There were a number of exciting parts but I've already forgotten most of them.

peace,

paul

weekly post from May 20, 2006

Hello my friends & loved ones,

It's been a chilly week and it's the middle of May. The sun has been refreshing yet the overcast days and cold nights have made it seem more like fall than spring.

Last evening, Jim and I went to see a very funny film called Kinky Boots. It tells the story of a young man in Northampton who, after his father dies, is compelled to take over the family shoe business. The business has been in operation for several generations and faced with having to lay off his staff and potentially having to sell the business, the man realizes he needs a new product. Enter a drag queen named Lola who gets him interested in women's boots, or rather boots that are strong enough in the heel to hold a man. The film is very funny and charming.

This weekend was our church's big garage sale and Jim and I spent some time this weekend helping out. Actually, I should say, Jim spent a lot of time helping out and I spent some time helping out. Although I did get to show off my man muscles by helping move some big pieces of furniture; including a dryer and a tv. I like the way people are impressed by how manly I am.

I've lived in this area for 6 years and I've missed the Lilac Festival every year, including this one. It just seems we have other things going on every year when the festival is going on. One of these years, hopefully, I'll get to go.

That's it for this week. Next week I'll review The DaVinci Code. A success or a terrible adaptation. Enjoy your week and take care of yourselves. Stay safe, stay happy, and stay healthy.

Finale Finish

I like tv, a lot. So I've decided to rate the season finales of the 2005-2006 season; only for the shows that I watch though (that's only fair). This year seems to be the season of the 2 hour finale. It's too big and there's just too much to fit into one hour. Oh, please, it's just an excuse for them to drag it out even longer. They could fit everything into one hour if they tried. So here goes, I'll grade the finales of some of tv hottest shows.

Fade to Grey:

The second season of Grey's Anatomy, the hospital tv show with more coupling than a porno, featured surgeon Isabel's beloved heart transplant patient, Denny, dying of a stroke. Who says tv isn't ironic? After which she quit the hospital and walked off into the sunset. Razor sharp Cristina was seen showing a much softer side as she attended to her beloved, Dr. Burke, who was recovering from a gunshot wound. And as for the titular character, Meredith Grey, she was forced to choose between the dreamboat vet and Dr. McDreamy himself as they both called her name hoping to be chosen.

My prediction: Isabel is gone and the show will pick up some months later with Grey having chosen neither guy and quit medicine to live as a cloistered nun. Actually, that last part is made up but I am hoping she remains on her own without a man; at least for a while. Grade: B

Break Out:

The show Prison Break hit the ground running last August and had lots of promise and the ratings to make it a hit. The premise: A man, Lincoln Burrows, is on death row facing his last days and his little brother, Michael Scofield, robs a bank to end up in the same prison as his condemned brother. Why? Linc is innocent and Michael is going to break him out. The conspiracy stretches all the way to the White House. Despite the convoluted plot: I'm still not clear why the "murdered" man's death was faked or what was up with that whole energy deal, this show was the one to watch in the fall. Fast forward to Nov and the show is taken off the air for four months. When it returned this past March the show had lost some of its steam and the writers put in more twists and turns and dead ends than that maze in The Shining. The brothers did finally escape and Veronica, Lincoln's former girlfriend who has been trying to prove his innocence in the outside world, came face to face with the man that Linc supposedly murdered. That was, by far, the best scene of the episode. The cliffhanger, however, with the brothers, and a few other inmates, running through an open field with the cops right behind, was ridiculous. After their only form of transportation literally flies away in the sky, the cons are forced to run. Seriously, the chances of them getting away are very very slim. Having said that this is a tv show and we all know how art doesn't always imitate life.

My prediction: One of the runners will be caught and Veronica won't be sharing her find with anyone, at least not anytime soon. Grade: C

Barely Legal:

The second season of Boston Legal, the David E. Kelley (Picket Fences, Ally McBeal) comedy-drama, came to a close with nary a cliffhanger; except for wondering if the show will be back in the fall. I started watching this show when it first premiered and then dropped it because I had too many shows and then picked it up for a while when Candice Bergen started as no-nonsense Shirley Schmidt. The writing is still tongue-in-cheek and the banter between Bergen's Schmidt and William Shatner's Denny Crane is fun to watch. Parker Posey is also interesting as an acerbic lawyer hoping to make partner. Posey seems to do the same character over and over but switches it up just enough to keep it fresh. James Spader's unctuously slimy Alan Shore was the centerpiece of the show when it started and now it's an ensemble that aims to entertain.

My prediction: The show will be back with more outrageous, yet true to life, cases. Grade: C+

Just Surviving:

The show with backstabbing, two-faced players, and grueling immunity challenges, Survivor, this time set at Exile Island (Panama provided the backdrop), wrapped its 12 installment. Survivor: Exile Island started out very ho-hum and didn't get really interesting until the big merge. One twist which was nice was one player was always banished to the titular island where the only consolation was to find an immunity idol which could be played and save the person who found it from being voted out if they had the most votes. It would have been really neat if heman, fighter pilot Terry had not found it and then won all of the immunity challenges and end up not needing to use it. With whackos Courtney and Shane life on the island was rarely too boring. The final two were medical sales rep Danielle (the least deserving of the final four) and yoga instructor Aras. Aras, one of the more likable males, took the money but a more riveting showdown would have been between Aras and nurse Cirie, arguably the most likable female. Thankfully, exile island will be back for the next go round which will be on Cook Island, between Hawaii and New Zealand.

Prediction: More colorful characters for the lucky #13 and Survivor better start thinking of some really shocking twists to keep the game exciting. Grade: C+

Space Invaders:

The tv show Invasion, from Shaun Cassidy, the creator of American Gothic and half brother of David, just finished its freshman season and was beset with controversy from the get go. Set to air last year, right after Hurricane Katrina, the show didn't get off to a good start. The show featured a Florida town hit by a devastating hurricane and the aftermath of the storm. Some people changed, not for the better, and the water became as scary as it was back in the days of Jaws. Seems some alien life forms were inhabiting the bodies of humans to create a hybrid species and the town sheriff may or may not be a bad guy. Eddie Cibrian from Third Watch played Russ, a park ranger, who is married to a local reporter. In an exciting twist, the finale featured another hurricane and this time an evil mad-scientist alien threatened to have aliens inhabit more people in a scene reminiscent of the Nazi death camps. Also the pregnant reporter is fatally shot and the sheriff does the only thing he can to save her; put her in the water. Her husband arrives too late. The show suffered from erratic scheduling and a plodding storyline, although it was a nice companion piece to Lost.

Prediction: The show does not appear to be on the fall schedule. Yikes! Grade: C+

Dem Bones:

Another show that just finished its freshman run, Bones, features David Boreanaz, as Special FBI agent Booth, and Emily Deschanel, as Dr. Brennan a forensic anthropologist. She studies bones to figure out who people were and how they died and he puts the bad guys away. The chemistry between the two lead characters is good and hopefully it will get hotter. The finale featured the revelation of what happened to Brennan's mom when she was 15 and the fact that she is not who she thought she was. And, in a final twist, it's discovered that Brennan's dad is NOT dead.

Prediction: More digging and delving in the second season and Booth and Brennan share a passionate kiss. Grade: B

Desperate situation:

The second season of the primetime soap Desperate Housewives found Bree escaping from the mental institution she checked herself into; Susan divorced Carl (again); Lynette made steps to reconcile with Tom after discovering he fathered another child (or did he? We've yet to see the child); Gabrielle threw Carlos out after discovering he was sleeping with their maid, who's pregnant with their child and we got to see how the housewives met. The second season ended similarly to the first. In the first season ender Mike, the plumber, was walking into the door of his house where Zach was holding a gun on Susan and this season found Mike lying in the street after being run down by dentist Orson Hodge. Hodge is set to figure in next season's mystery. Meanwhile, Susan is waiting for Mike so she can propose to him and Hodge appears to be courting Bree, whom he met in the mental hospital. The mystery of the Applewhites was cleared up when it was discovered that Betty's son Matthew, and not Caleb, was responsible for the murder of the girl in their mystery.

Prediction: Mike will die causing Susan to move on and get her life going again; a better mystery (hopefully) and a stronger season. Verdict: C

Getting Cold:

The third season ender of Cold Case found the detectives investigating the death of a drug rehab counselor who saw a resident kill another resident. The resident who was killed discovered the murderer having an affair with one of the owner's of the rehab center. Who killed the counselor? Lilly is quite taken with the picture of the counselor and then discovers that he is alive and lies to her boss about it. So, if he is not dead, who died? The counselor's junkie brother who was shot by the owner-wife's husband. In the end, we see Lilly and the counselor seeming to hook up and the other detectives sitting around celebrating another case solved but minus Lilly. Is this the end for her?

Prediction: Lilly will be back and more hot cold cases. Verdict: B

Also Known As:

The fifth and final season of Alias wrapped up with the gang chasing after Sloane, naturally. The present was interspersed with flashbacks of Sydney's childhood; those were really nice scenes. Among the people who perished are Jack (Sydney's father), Irina (Sydney's mother), Dan (Balthazar Getty's character) and Sloane was banished underground; literally. After cheating death, in a lame plot twist, he was caught in the explosion Jack set off in an underground tunnel and ended up under a large boulder. The episode ended with a flash forward to the future as we see Vaughn and Sydney living by the beach (in a very remote location) with their second child and Dixon comes with an assignment for them (get Sark!). Meanwhile, Sydney's first child Isabel, displays a propensity for complex puzzles the same way her mother did when she herself was a child. A future Sydney? Look out CIA. One thing I will definitely miss is the character of Marshall; his rambling explanations were always worth a laugh.

Verdict: B-

Another day:

The fifth season of 24, the 2nd best season so far (the best goes to last season's story), wrapped up and it looked like the President was going to get away with murder, terrorist attacks, and conspiracy; yeah, right. It started with the deaths of former president Palmer and the death of Michelle Dessler, and later Tony Almeida. Jack eventually kidnapped the President but failed to get a confession; he got one later and what a doozy it was. The season finale also saw the appearance of Chloe's ex-husband and, in true 24 fashion, a twist at the very end. It seems the Chinese government finally caught up with Jack and have some big plans for him. What those plans are and what will happen will have to wait until Jan. 2007, when season six kicks off.

Prediction: More new characters, intrigue, bigger plot twists, and, yes, Jack. Verdict: A

Idol Singers:

Season 5 of American Idol is over and the new season won't start until January; they always start in January. I was wondering how on earth they could stretch out the final show for two hours but then I remembered Mr. and-the-results-of-the-vote-are....going to be shown after this Seacrest. He certainly likes to draw out the suspense. Anyway, since this is the first season of Idol I've seen, I don't have anything to compare it to. I was shocked when powerhouse belter Mandisa was voted out early in the competition and when Elliott, the smooth crooner who got better and better toward the end, was voted out and just missed the final two, I was disappointed. I liked Katherine and Taylor, however, I was rooting for Elliott; he was the underdog. When, on the penultimate episode, the final two contestants sang the songs that would potentially become their first single, I knew that Taylor probably had it in the bag. His song was uplifting and inspirational and had a nice sound. Katherine sang her song well but it was trite. The finale featured the singing talents of Prince, Dionne Warwick, Mary J. Blige, Live, Al Jarreau, Meat Loaf, and Toni Braxton. Also featured were Wolfgang Puck and Burt Bacharach. During the show, some awards were given out and the nominees were some of the more colorful (read: awful) contestants who didn't make the cut during auditions. One winner, who was so overtly trying to copy the look of season two runner-up Clay Aiken, got a surprise after he received his award and was actually invited to sing. The real Aiken showed up and eclipsed his voice; thankfully. They even featured the three cowboys and the "trailer" for Brokenote Mountain. Another highlight was the sight of a teary-eyed David Hasslehoff in the audience after the winner was revealed; also shown was Tim McGraw (no Faith though). Sixty-three point four million votes were counted for the final vote that saw Alabama man Taylor Hicks beat out California girl Katherine McPhee. No worries though as I will be surprised if she is not on the charts soon. His single should be a chart burner as well.

Prediction: A #1 hit for Taylor and major withdrawal for me. Verdict: A

In the House:

The final episode of season 2 of House was one of the most surreal episodes to date. House is shot and ends up being able to walk cane-free and having deep, philosophical conversations with his shooter and finds himself losing his knowledge as he works on a case with his team. It's one of the more bizarre ones the series has featured. One of the patient's eyes and testicles pops out and his tongue is so swollen it protrudes from his mouth. The end is a twist that explains the whole is-he-hallucinating-and-losing-his-mind episode. When it's revealed the whole thing played in his head and we see him wheeled into the hospital emergency room, the question doesn't become will he change but how will he change?

Prediction: The show is called House so the chances of the doc dying are slim to nil, however, he will be affected by the shooting and it should make for some interesting changes to Dr. H. But will he be able to walk cane-free the way he did in his mind? Verdict: A

Ungraceful Exit:

I stopped watching Will & Grace after the 4th season because it wasn't funny; Jack was way too stereotypical (and not funny) and Karen was shrill and mean (and not funny), while Will & Grace's relationship bordered on unhealthy (and was not funny). The 8th and final season (thank God) wrapped up and the foursome is no more. The episode did have one semi-humorous part; the beginning in which we see senior citizen Will & Grace raising Grace's son. Graces has an ass bigger than Texas and Will wears a toupee. Jack, meanwhile, is tan and fit (and married to Kevin Bacon) and Karen looks the same as she always did (and is married to Rosario). Also in the episode, Will & Grace are dealing with the fact that their relationship has forever changed and Karen loses all of her money. One highlight is character actor Leslie Jordan plays billionaire Beverly Leslie and is literally swept away.

Verdict: Good Riddance! D+

Lost World:

The writers outdid themselves with the second season Finale of Lost; not a huge feat considering last year's lame "they just opened the hatch door" finale. Desmond's backstory was featured, the others let Michael & Walt sail off (presumably off the island to be rescued), the others kidnapped Sawyer, Jack, and Kate and told Hurley no one can come get them, the hatch seems to have exploded, the reason the plane crashed was explained (an electromagnetic force) and Locke and Eko are possibly dead after the explosion.

Prediction: This show can only last 2, possibly 3, more seasons before its welcome is worn out. Next season has to be riveting and exciting. And where are Jin, Sun, and Sayid? They were on a mission to rescue Hurley, Sawyer, Jack, and Kate. Will Michael really flee the island? I say no. Otherwise why wouldn't he tell people about the others stranded there? I think Kate, Jack, and Sawyer will be rescued or escape but not before being brainwashed or something. Verdict: A

Who says there's nothing good on the radio? Some songs I'm enjoying right now are Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns (Christian), Only Grace by Matthew West (Christian), Be Without You by Mary J. Blige (R&B), and Because We Believe by Andrea Bocelli (Classical).


paul

This year marks 25 years since the word AIDS became a permanent part of our vocabulary. I don't have a solid memory of hearing about AIDS before 1985 (I was 12 that year) but I'm sure I must have. The first memory I have is when news broke that Rock Hudson had AIDS. I used to secretly (after my mom thought I went to bed) watch Dynasty on Wednesday nights and I used to read Soap Opera Digest (the quintessential soap opera magazine) so I knew the story and what had happened. Had he infected Linda Evans when he kissed her on Dynasty? Who knew the 50's and 60's era heartthrob was gay? Today there are over 40 million people living with the disease and more than 25 million have died. There's a very informative and well-written cover story on AIDS in this week's Newsweek magazine with contributions from Melinda Gates, Bill Clinton and Peter Piot, a doctor who has been tracking the disease since the 70's. It's definitely worth checking out. And remember, let's respect our bodies and the bodies of others and play it safe...no matter what!

peace,

paul

water-logged

Because I am a glutton for blood and carnage; because I thought the wave in The Perfect Storm was lame; because I wanted to see another gay character; because the original wasn't cheesy enough. If you guessed that these are all reasons I went to see the movie Poseidon, then advance to the head of the class and pick out a gold star. I know it's a remake and it does have some very cheesy lines, however, there are a few exciting moments in director Wolfgang Petersen's (The Perfect Storm, Troy) remake of the 1972 original; including a freaky underwater death. This movie tries so hard to be cool and hip right down to the dropping of the words The and Adventure in the title; it doesn't succeed. As in the original, a rogue wave (the movie's definition for it, not mine) hits a cruise ship and causes it to literally turn 180 degrees. Several passengers (the ones that didn't perish) must find their way to the top, sorry bottom, of the ship before it completely sinks. If you couldn't wrap your mind around the down is up and up is down idea in the original, you won't in this one either. The film does have one thing going for it; it's a relatively short film, only an hour and thirty-eight minutes. The wave hits a mere 16 minutes into the film. It even has a "Shelly Winters moment." If you've seen the original, you know what I'm referring to. However, my mind did still wander many times during the movie, thinking, why am I watching this;especially in the wake of the disasters of Katrina and the disaster in Indonesia. I was also re-casting the movie in my head and instead of using mediocre Hollywood stars such as Kurt Russell, Mia Maestro, Josh Lucas and Andre Braugher, I used Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts and Will Smith. I'll break it down below.

In the Kurt Russell role as the former mayor of NY and the over-protective father I would cast Jim Carrey. In the Emmy Rossum role of the daughter of Russell's character and newly engaged beauty I would cast Scarlett Johansson. In the Mike Vogel role, the fiancee of Rossum's character and the "young hunk stud" I would cast Jake Gyllenhaal. In the Jimmy Bennett role, the kid who gets lost because he can't stay with his mother, I would cast Dakota Fanning. In the Mia Maestro role, the stowaway on her way to see her sick brother, I would cast Julia Roberts. In the Andre Braugher role, the captain of the ship who bites it, I would cast Will Smith. In the Jacinda Barrett role, the mother who screams and becomes hysterical at the drop of a hat, I would cast Sandra Bullock. In the Richard Dreyfuss role (yes, he plays the requisite gay character which is further proof that "we" have completely invaded the pop culture) the man who is thinking of suicide because his lover left him for another man, I would cast Will Ferrell. And in the Josh Lucas role, the brash, take charge leader, I would cast Adam Sandler. Check local listings for showtimes.

peace,

paul

word of the week

The word of the week this week is Christianism. Christianism is not to be confused with Christian, which is someone who follows Christianity and treats others as Jesus did. Christianism is something for the religious right zealots who want to put politics in religion. Jesus would not have had a political party; maybe Independent. A man who said that his "kingdom is not of this Earth" would not have been walking around carrying a sign with an elephant or a donkey.

The Gospels mention nothing of political parties or anyone by the name of George W. Bush. The religious right wants to wield religion as a weapon and make everyone else bow down to that weapon, however, instead of bowing down we should continue to walk the earth the way Jesus did, converting one person at a time until everyone sees the light.

peace out,

paul

Look out Brangelina

Muhamad Noor Che Musa, an ex-army serviceman in Northern Malaysia, got married last week. The woman, Wook Kundor, is 104 years old. He didn't do it for the money; Kundor is poor. She has taught him Islamic religion and he has helped her with Roman script. He felt a connection with her because she has no children and she's old; ancient is more like it. Lest you start to feel sorry for Kundor, don't, this is her 21st marriage. All of her previous husbands are still living. This woman is old enough to be his great-grandmother. And on the honeymoon, if the wrinkles are a rockin', don't come a knockin'.

paul

Numeros

There are some fascinating things to be found in Time magazine; just one of the periodicals I read each week. According to a recent survey, 63% of Americans, age 18-24, cannot locate Iraq on a map. I can and will if you ask me. Now for the scary part; 50% of those people could not find NY State. I'd say some people missed a few too many geography classes.

Some other numbers worth mentioning: 46 million people voted the week that Paris Bennett was voted off American Idol and 35% of Americans that were polled believe that the votes on AI matter as much as or more than the votes cast in the presidential election. Yeah, tv and presidential elections, those go hand in hand.

peace out,

paul

weekly post-May 6, 2006

Hello friends & loved ones,

It seems like the past week just flew by.

It's May already and the weather the past week has been absolutely gorgeous. Clear blue skies, moderate temps; weather just meant for shorts. There are a lot of critters and animals crossing the road lately and a lot of foxes. Speaking of animals, last night Jim and I were awakened by a very eerie noise. It was a high pitched scream sound that came in short bursts. I have to admit that for a few seconds I was terrified because I didn't know what it was. But then I was the one that got out of bed to go look. I went outside with the flashlight and heard the noise coming from the trees across the road. No, it wasn't the Blair Witch, according to Jim, it was a fox. I went to a fox website and listened to some different sounds that foxes make and one of them is the same sound we heard last night; the sound of a fox in distress. Jim thinks that it was two male foxes fighting over a female yet I think it may have been a fox that was hit by a car and slunk off into the woods. The pretty fox makes some freaky noises. One noise that everyone should have a chance to hear is the sound of a fox singing its song; it's a trilling sound.


Last week I talked about how the birds sing out and make noise every morning and how we should be more like them in singing out and using our mouths. This past week I watched a movie called Speak. In the movie, a teenage girl has something horrible happen to her that she keeps to herself. She goes from popular and outgoing to withdrawn and the butt of many jokes. All around her people are wondering what's happened, what's changed. However, she continues to walk through life, hardly affected by anything. One character in the movie tells her, and I'm paraphrasing here, "You can't stand up for what you believe in and be silent." In order to cause change one has to open up and say something. Eventually the girl begins to realize that she needs to tell someone her secret and that becomes the catalyst that turns her around. If we don't speak up and speak out, then no one will know what's going on with us or what we believe in. This coming week, let's all practice speaking out for what we believe in and sharing ourselves with our loved ones.

Have a restful weekend. Until next week, stay safe, stay happy, and stay healthy.

Here's the new Who's On First. Clever.


George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China .

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China .

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China ?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China .

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China .

Condi: Hu.

George: The main man in China !

Condi: Hu is leading China .

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China .

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China ?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China ?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China ? I thought he's dead in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China ?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China ?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China . Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China

George: Will you stay out of China ?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars.

Karl Rove, get out, you're guilty.

Here's a little brain teaser. The woman who sent it to me (thanks, Sherri) had to tell me the answer. I couldn't get it on my own.

This is an unusual paragraph. Can you find what is so nonstandard about it? I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about this paragraph. It looks so plain you would think nothing is wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual, though. Study it, think about it, and try to find out what is so abnormal about this paragraph. You may not find anything odd at all. But if you stick with it and work at it a bit, you might find what is so odd. (You may find it surprising!) Try it - it's not a conundrum - but try it without any coaching! You can do it!

peace,

paul

Saturday

I went to see the film Akeelah and the Bee with some friends from church and it's definitely a feel good movie. It's not overly sentimental and have a terrific ending. There's also a surprising amount of humor. It tells the story of an 11-year-old girl in South LA who is flunking out of school and is pushed to participate in the school spelling bee. She may be skipping classes and not passing her classes, however, spelling is where she shines. She ends up going all the way to the Nationals with the help of her coach, played by Laurence Fishburne. It's a different kind of role for Fishburne and refreshing too. The film also stars Angela Bassett and Keke Palmer plays Akeelah.

Speaking of things I like, I'm really enjoying the song Black Horse and the Cherry Tree by KT Tunstall. It's an upbeat song with a different sort of sound and was recently sung on American Idol by one of the more talented contestants. She did the song proud.

Not much else going on this Saturday. My spouse and I are sitting here; he's reading and I'm watching I Love Lucy. After seeing just about every episode, more than once, it still makes me laugh. Of course my all time favorite is the vitavetavegamin episode.

Take care.

paul

weekly post from April 28, 2006

The "say goodbye to April" edition

I've come to the realization that writing is just not my favorite thing to do. I started a blog thinking I would write down my ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc, however, I'd much rather be doing things like being outside with the mower, catching up with what's going on in the world, watching tv or a movie, or sweeping up dog hair. I've decided that I will only write when I feel the impetus to do so. Having said that, I do need to keep my writing skills honed somehow so I will continue, on a regular basis, with my weekly email.

Bring in da noise: Every spring the downy woodpeckers start pecking away furiously. A few years ago they would peck on our tv antenna on the roof. Then, all of a sudden, they started pecking on a street sign we have a few feet from our house. It's cute seeing them on the sign, peeking around the corner as they peck away. If I'm outside and not expecting it, it is a bit startling. Sometimes another woodpecker will answer their call from one of the many trees in our yard. It's not cute during the day when I'm trying to sleep. The woodpeckers do seem to enjoy making noise and they don't care how much noise they make. There's something to be admired in that. Many of us go around making sure we aren't noisy or cause a commotion. We may spend our days saying, or even hearing, things such as "Shh," "Keep your voice down," or "Be quiet." Why? Why don't we make more noise? On the nights I'm off, if I wake up too early I don't hear the birds singing outside but then, all of a sudden, they start their morning songs. It's as if they have an internal alarm clock and they know exactly when to start singing. We should be more like the birds and sing out more; make more noise. We've got a mouth we might as well use it. There are moments when being loud would be improper and it doesn't hurt to have some awareness of when to keep it down, however, when one has an instrument it should be used or else it becomes rusty; kind of like foreign languages, if you don't use it, you lose it.

Thanks to my friend Lady Di for this one.

MR. PRESIDENT, I'M HEADED TO MEXICO April 1, 2006

Dear President Bush: I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy. I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P.
Thank you so much for your kind help.

Sincerely,

An ardent fan of yours

I'm not entirely sure this is true, however, it is disturbing. Try not to laugh while reading.

paul

United until death

I went to see the film United 93 and before I get into reviewing the film, I want to say that I went into this movie as objective as possible. I did my best to imagine that this was just another Hollywood action movie and not a film that whose trailer alone caused sobbing and yelling from audience members. One chain in NYC even pulled the trailer when upset moviegoers complained. Needless to say, the objection thing didn't work; not for long anyway.

Director Paul Greengrass (yes, that's his real name), director of The Bourne Supremacy and Bloody Sunday, has created a taut, moving, and visceral film that pays homage to the passengers of the ill-fated flight. The flight is one of four that was hijacked less than 5 years ago on September 11, 2001. Lest you think Greengrass was cavalier in making the film, he secured the blessings of each family who had a loved one on the flight. Once he had each family's blessing, he heavily researched for the film. He used transcripts of calls made by people on the plane, cockpit recordings, The 9/11 Commission Report (a must-have by the way), and anything else he could get his hands on. This film is the real deal. It's told in real time and Greengrass cuts from the commotion on the plane to the confusion on the ground as the realization of what is happening comes to light.

Most of the actors in the film are unknown; very unkown. However, wherever possible, Greengrass used real-life standins. For example, the guy who portrays Capt. Jason Dahl is an actual United pilot. Ben Sliney, the manager of the FAA, plays himself; actual stewardesses are used and the character of Mark Bingham, the passenger anxious to get the revolt started, is played by Cheyenne Jackson, a gay male. Bingham's mom announced that her son Mark was gay after the tragedy occurred.

The most shocking thing about the film is not what's happening in the air but what's happening on the ground. The military, FAA, and communications centers deal with conflicting information, no information, and the right information too late. It's disheartening how unprepared ground control really was. It's also disheartening that the revolt in the air didn't start sooner. However, once the passengers realize the terrorist with the bomb doesn't have an actual bomb, it's anything goes; and it does.

The movie is disturbing and I mentioned earlier that I tried to watch it objectively, however, Greengrass has created such a vivid depiction of the flight that objectivity turns into raw emotion and horror and doesn't go back. At one point I found myself asking, 'What's the point of this?' The point is to present a film that is a testament to the passengers who didn't take the hijacking lying down and Greengrass delivers in that respect; tenfold. While we don't know exactly what happened in that plane, we do know that the passengers foiled the attempts of the terrorists to crash into the White House. The Americans struck back with a valiant attempt at freedom.

peace out,

paul

Proof of ownership

Imagine you are driving down the road, passenger in the backseat, seat belt buckled, and then bam! you are stopped by the police for transporting someone who's not quite alive. That's what happened to a woman in Berlin when she was fined for disturbing a dead person's peace. The dead person was the woman's mother who had died of natural causes. The woman was transporting her mother's body to save on mortuary transportation fees. Violating burial laws and disturbing a dead person's peace were the official charges. It's not like the mother was going to wake up and protest and she was wearing her seatbelt. The mother was even wearing clothes.

paul

Tinkle, tinkle, little man....

Next month Belgium will be host to the world championships of ice hockey and this statue, Manneken Pis (or as I call it Man I Can Piss or even better, check out my far reaching stream of consciousness), will be wearing a sports uniform. Now this would be great to have in the front yard and lots of fun could be had with it.

The London Eye on the River Thames. It looks like a huge ferris wheel and takes the prize for the biggest observation wheel.

I have a lot of respect for people who can sit down everyday and write. I am not that disciplined besides, I haven't felt compelled to write about anything. Besides, Jim commented this morning that my last post was back on the 15; he had an accusatory tone. He was right. Leave it to the entertainment industry to get me out of my funk. I got a newsletter email today announcing the new book by gay writer Augusten Burroughs. The new book, Possible Side Effects, will be out on May 2 and on the writer's website is a trailer of the movie version of his first memoir, Running With Scissors. I truly enjoyed the book and hopefully the director, who is also the creator of the tv show Nip/Tuck, will not ruin the story. It has a great cast: Annette Bening, Brian Cox, Gwyneth Paltrow (ok, she's not great but alright), Jill Clayburgh, Joseph Fiennes (yes, Ralph's little brother), Evan Rachel Wood, Alec Baldin, and Kristin Chenoweth. The character who plays Augusten is a relative newcomer by the name of Joseph Cross. I say relative because he has been in some episodes of more than a few tv shows, including Touched By An Angel, Third Watch, and Smallville. He's also been in several movies, some of which have not yet been released. Running is due out in September after a long drawn out court battle by the Massachusetts family that is depicted in the book. What's really cool is our friends in Massachusetts knows one of the women of the crazy Finch family that is portrayed in the book and is somewhat familiar with the history of the family. One of these days while we are visiting for Thanksgiving, I'll convince them to drive past Burroughs's home and maybe I can catch a glimpse of him. He'll be on the Today show on May 2, the day the book comes out, and I'll be one of the first in line when the movie opens.

peace out,

paul

Some retired generals have called for Donald Rumsfeld's resignation, however, smarmy Bush has refused to dismiss the Defense Secretary. I was watching a clip of Rumsfeld earlier and he said he would, "continue to serve the President at his pleasure." Alrighty then!!!!!!

greedy goblins

A couple in Independence, MO, is probably wishing they had septuplets right now; that would probably be less trouble than what they are in now. They collected more than $3,000 in cash from a local charity and employees at the brake manufacturing plant where Kris Everson worked. He was released on $4,999 bond after it was discovered that he and his wife, Sarah Everson, lied about being parents to six critically ill babies. The couple are being charged with stealing by deceit and could end up in prison for 7 years. The couple said that the babies had been born in March and had to undergo surgery in order to survive. The couple even showed off the nursery set up for the babies and Sarah gained 40 pounds. I want to know how they decided on 6? Why not just say two? Or even one? It kind of sounds like something one would see on Days Of Our Lives. And by the way, what's up with $4,999 for a bond? Why not just round up to an even $5,000?

p

This is not a good story for convincing people that gays aren't sick but these three are. Three homosexual lovers from North Carolina have been charged with castrating six men. Police found such items as prosthetic testicles, a coffee can with bloody scalpels (they don't disinfect them?), a freezer full of testicles AND a videocamera and tripod. Apparently the men videotaped the castrations. The three men say that the castrations were consensual. Who in their right mind would agree to be castrated? Maybe that's the problem they weren't in their right minds. All six men were from out of state and one was from out of the country. The men lived in Waynesville, NC, up in the mountains. If this story wasn't so sick and sad, we could insert a Deliverance joke.

paul

LOGO is the first all-gay, 24-hour channel. Here Tv is a premium network (think HBO and Showtime) that caters to the GLBT community. LOGO opted not to run a pro-gay ad, titled Ejector, put out by the United Church of Christ. LOGO is owned by Viacom which also owns the stations MTV, VH1, Nick at Nite and TVLand. It doesn't make a lot of sense for a gay network NOT to run a pro gay ad. Personally I think LOGO needs to get GO-GOing with the times. Yo, Yo, you hear me, LOGO?

p

Word of the Week

Intelligent Designers beware: The discovery of the fishapod, a creature from 375 million years ago with swim fins, gills, interlocking rib cage and wrist like bones, is just one more piece of Darwin's puzzle. Called a fishapod because it has features of fish and four-legged animals (tetrapods), the creature is believed to have swam in the water and even ventured onto land. The fossils were found on Ellesmere Island in Canada and the detailed article can be found in the April 6 issue of Nature. No doubt Darwin is clapping in his grave.

p

I'm Back

You may have heard by now that Katie Couric will leave the Today show in May; good for her. I know several people who don't like her but I've always enjoyed watching her. She will anchor the CBS Nightly News, Walter Cronkite's old stomping grounds, and also report on 60 Minutes. Many of Couric's detractors want to paint her as mean or diva-ish and lump her in with other successful women such as Martha Stewart and Rosie O' Donnell. Unlike Rosie and Martha, I don't believe that Katie should be compared with them. She may have her diva moments but if I were in her position, I would certainly channel my inner diva from time to time. Not only that but she's certainly not greedy; she took less money to go to CBS than what NBC was going to offer her. As for whether she can report or not, I think people forget that before she was a Today talker, Couric was a reporter for CNN and a pentagon correspondent for NBC. She can hit the hard news just as well as fan the fluff. And for those of us who enjoy watching the Today show won't have to choose what to watch because now Katie will be on in the evening. I think the ratings of CBS Evening News will rise once Katie starts reporting; how long that rise continues remains to be seen. I do think that a woman news anchor is just what the news world needs right now; I think it's the right time. I do want to know this, however, why didn't NBC tap Ann Curry to replace Katie? She's already on the show and she would be a perfect replacement. Meredith Vieira? Puh-leeze!

peace out,

paul

recommendations

Here are a few things I've read, heard, or seen lately that I think are worth checking out.

I just read the book The Front Runner, the 1974 book that tells the story of gay track coach Harlan Brown whose world is turned upside down when three college runners land at the school where he teaches. Set at an upstate NY college, the story follows Brown's relationship with the three gay, yes gay, runners and the subsequent relationship between him and his star runner, Billy Sive. Brown coaches Sive to the '76 Olympics in Montreal and they fight to protect their relationship from the outside world and fight their way into the Olympics despite their relationship. It's a beautifully written, albeit, weepy love story that deserves to be read. The thing that surprised me most about this book is that it's written by a woman, Patricia Nell Warren. She captures the essence of the gay relationship, including the love scenes, as if she were writing from first-hand knowledge and experience. I recently read an article about how Hollywood is thinking about a film version, in light of the success of Brokeback Mountain, and that Brad Pitt was the choice for Harlan Brown. That would be a big miscast. Other miscasts in upcoming movies is Jennifer Lopez as Sue Ellen and John Travolta as JR Ewing in the upcoming Dallas movie. Give me a break, please!!!!!

Music to my ears: Casting Crowns is my favorite Christian group and they hit another home run with their latest song, Praise You In This Storm. It's about still praising God and believing and not turning your back on God, even when it's hard and life throws the lumps at you.

The other song I'm liking is Cascada's song Everytime We Touch, a pop dance hit that hits on the weak-kneed feeling of being in your loved one's arms again and again just like it's the first time.

peace out,

paul

MANDIVA!!!!!!!!!

Jim and I cannot believe that Mandisa had the lowest number of votes on American Idol. The public voted and she had the least number. Yes, it's true, she did not pick the best song, however, there were others whose choices were worse and they should have gotten the least number of votes. What a shocker!

p

Hump Day Funnies

These are funny and, if you watch movies, you'll see they are true. My favorite is #32

50 THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE BIG SCREEN...

1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

3. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread

5. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

6. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any part of the building without difficulty

8. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

11. People on TV never finish their drinks.

12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

13. The chief of police is always black.

14. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

15. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.

16. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

17. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

18. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

19. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

20. Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

21. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

22. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

23. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

24. Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.

25. All single women have a cat.

26. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

27. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

28. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

29. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

30. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello?, Hello?"

31. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

32. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

33. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

34. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

35. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.

36. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

37. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

38. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.

39. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

40. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.

41. You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one.

42. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

43. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.

44. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions can be played without moving the fingers.

45. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

46. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

47. Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.

48. Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.

49. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

50. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

Want to be the face of McDonald's? Go to www.mcdglobalcasting.com to submit your story about what you love along with a digital photo capturing the essence of the story. Up to 25 winners will be selected and their face will be featured on McDonald's packaging in more than 100 countries. Hopefully they will change up the faces so we don't have to have just one face staring up at us for months and months. Either that or it will give stalkers a new obsession.

paul

The wind has been so fierce today and the threat of snow showers is still hanging in the air. But it's April so the weather can't be too frightful for too much longer. Of course the Midwest had it worse with tornadoes and thunderstorms.

I survived my first Sunday sermon and I wasn't even nervous. I thought it went well and I felt good about it. I didn't lose my place and the mistakes I did make were minor. I'm not sure if this is a new calling for me, however, I certainly would not be averse to preaching again. I certainly don't think I'm ready for preaching at a bigger venue such as a pride service or a conference so I'll stick to the Sunday church service.

peace out,

paul

weekly post-March 31, 2006

Hello friends & loved ones,

It's that time of year again, the time in which we lose an hour of precious sleep. Yes, tonight before you go to bed, make sure to set your clocks one hour ahead. Spring forward if you will; just don't break a leg doing it (haha, I kill me).

This past week started out chilly and yesterday was positively sweltering; it wasn't really hot but it felt hot in the 70's because of the chilly weather we had been having.

Not April Fools: If someone had told me a year ago that I would be preaching, I would have laughed them out of the room. I was installed as a Deacon in January and when all of the Deacons got together for our first meeting, Jim went around the room and asked each Deacon to name one gift they felt called to do. When it came time for me to say what I felt called to do, the words were out of my mouth before I even realized I was speaking, "I think preaching." I was mortified and right on the spot, Jim picked a date for me to preach. That date is this Sunday, the first day of daylight savings time (not that the two are significant to each other). This will be my second sermon; the first was in front of the deacon class. This one will be in front of the whole church and it's eerie but I'm not quite as nervous as I thought I would be. Tomorrow may be different but it feels like this is what I want to do; to share my stories and inspire people. All I want out of it is for the message to be powerful. What are you called to do? We are all called to do something and we each have gifts to share with others. Part of the journey is figuring out what those gifts are. Happy hunting.