More controversy from China

It's beginning to look like the Beijing Games are going to be synonymous with inflammatory controversy. A new ad for a Spanish courier company shows the Spanish Olympic basketball team posing for the picture while making their eyes slanted. The photo, (shown on the left) taken before the games began, appears at first glance to be racist not to mention childish but dig a little deeper and the story gets more interesting. The ad is sponsored by the Spanish courier company Seur but Spain's team is also sponsored by the Li-Ning Footwear company...which is a Chinese company. The company was founded by Li-Ning who was lifted along the top of the Beijing National Stadium during the finale of the Opening Ceremony.

Racist or not, it would appear that perhaps the players should have left well enough alone or perhaps we should all just stop looking to be offended and get on with our lives.

peace,

paul

viral video

Tori & Dean...together again as some really famous couples. This is a bit weird.

Enjoy,

paul

http://television.aol.com/tvtop5/toris-music-video-tori-and-dean/2196201?icid=100214839x1207645465x1200382081

Medal Monitor

The U.S. is still leading in awarded medals on day 5 of the Olympics. With 29 medals (10 of those gold), we're still 3 ahead of China and 17 ahead of South Korea. However, China leads in the gold category with 17.

More to come....

peace,
paul

Monday Mantra

Follow this and you'll be garbage free and smell nice too!

Law of the Garbage Truck

I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.
We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.
My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!
The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.
My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy.
And I mean, he was really friendly.
So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'
This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'
He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger and full of disappointment.
As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.
Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...
'Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.'

peace,

paul

Talk about a massive appendage. This newscaster from Des Moines, Iowa got way more than he bargained for during this news piece. Enjoy...

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/08/09/vo.snake.in.pants.kcci

Paris for Prez...Please run, please...

The scary thing about seeing this video is that I would actually consider voting for her. The second video is actually the first video that was released; it's a John McCain ad and Paris's ad is in response to McCain's. Enjoy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HeealouOeQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0r--E7lsYw&feature=related

Medal Count

Recapping the 2008 Olympic Medals-

China leads with 14, including 9 gold medals...
The U.S. is right behind with 12, including 3 gold medals...
and South Korea comes in 3rd with 8, including 4 gold medals.

Stay tuned...

paul

China Grove

Today is the start of the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, China and it promises to be an extravaganza. Things did get off to a somewhat shaky start earlier this week as some of the American athletes from the U.S. cycling squad arrived in China wearing black respiratory masks. Yes, we all know that the air quality in China isn't exactly the best and the athletes probably didn't mean any disrespect (I'll give them the benefit of the doubt) but come on, does one really want to walk around looking like Michael Jackson?

The athletes did apologize though not from any pressure from the IOC. The IOC did say, however, that athletes cannot wear masks in the sports venues.

More controversy erupted thanks to swimming gold medalist Amanda Beard's anti-fur campaign poster. In the poster, Beard stands nude in front of the American flag.

As for the games, over 4 billion people are expected to watch, 91,000 watching the opening ceremony alone. Taking place at National Stadium, over 31,000 fireworks are expected to be set off. Now that's a lot of bang!

Let the games begin!

peace,

paul

Spaghetti Snake

Here's an amazing fact: There are over 3,100 known snake species. Scientists have just discovered another one under a rock in Barbados. That's a good place for a rock. I wonder if snakes ask each other, "Where have you been living? Under a rock?" like humans do.

Anyway, the species known as Leptotyphlops carlae, is thinner than a strand of spaghetti and only four inches long. It was partly discovered by Pennsylvania State University biologist Blair Hedges; he also helped discover the world's smallest frog and lizard. No word on whether they are looking for the worlds smallest spider.

Have a great day.

peace,
paul

Radio Raves

Who says there's nothing good on the radio?

Here are three songs I'm really enjoying on the radio; satellite and regular.

Katy Perry's fun and anthemic "I Kissed A Girl". Set to a pounding beat to lyrics such as "I kissed a girl and I liked, hope my boyfriend don't mind it." this hit song (which has been #1 on billboard for several weeks now) is summer pop fun at its best. The 24-year-old grew up with two pastors for parents and clearly has been itching to "rebel" for some time now. This is a great song but I'm waiting for the male version of it. Come on, we all know men like to see two women going at it but what about a guy-on-guy (but it's just for fun) song?

Another song I'm enjoying is the song "Fall For You" by Secondhand Serenade. It's one of those emo-pop ballads that are all over the radio anymore but this one stands out because singer John Vessely's voice is so plaintive and clear and because the song talks about "the perfect love" and falling for that love all over again like it was the first day. And this is not a group, it's a solo act much like Five For Fighting was (it was singer John Ondrasik).

The third song I'd like to mention is a song by the group O.A.R. I had heard of them before but they never stood out to me until now. They've had six studio albums and this group from Maryland has a hit right now with the song "Shattered." This "I-can't-leave-you-no-matter-how-many-times-I-try" song is upbeat with the sadness that is apparent in any great alt-pop song.

One other song I like is yet another ballad by Leona Lewis. The follow-up to her #1 hit Bleeding Love is called Better In Time. It's all about how losing love (break-up, death, disappearance?...doesn't matter) and how at first we may think we've done something to deserve the loss but ultimately we move on and learn to live again though the pain is always there. Lewis's whole album is good in fact. Don't have it? Go out and buy it...NOW!!!

Anyway, that's what I'm enjoying and crank it up every time one of those songs comes on. Oh, and by the way, Lindsay Lohan is gay. Great! She ranks right up there with Cynthia Nixon, Heaher Matarazzo, Portia de Rossi and Jane Lynch. Yeah right. Actually, Lohan isn't that bad of an actress. Now if only she could clean up her reputation.

peace,

paul

Child abuse?

A 9-year-old girl from New Zealand was made a ward of the court last week so that she could legally have her name changed. The girl, Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii (yes, that's what her parents named her). The judge, concerned about the names parents have been dubbing their children, is allowing the girl to change it. Other names that parents have given their children include Benson and Hedges (given to twins). Some names have not been allowed such as Fish and Chips, Sex Fruit and Twisty Poi which is a Polynesian cuisine.

It's just as bad here in the states: In July, an Illinois man was alllowed to legally change his first name to "In God" and his last name to "We Trust". Give me a break.

Jennifer Jones, a mother of two from Maryland, named her daughter, now 12, Indiana. Their son's name, named by his father on a dare, is Dow. This is not funny. Children have a hard enough time as it is in life; why add to their stress? Naming a child is something to be taken seriously and while, yes it might be great to joke around about it, put something "real" on the birth certificate.

peace,

paul

DVD of the week

Visiting musicians: The 2007 Israeli film The Band's Visit (PG-13) is a touching story of 8 Egyptian musicians from the Egyptian Police Force who travel to Israel to play at the inaugural ceremony of an Arab cultural center.

After landing in the wrong town, the musicians discover some local hospitality along with some challenges and self-discoveries.

There is some English but it's mostly Arabic and Hebrew subtitles. It's definitely worth watching and a nice respite from the action/bang-em-up movies currently playing at the theater. Plus, you can watch it at home.

Enjoy,

paul

Manly Mama

USC linebacker Ray Maualuga is one bad mother...but he's not all tough. He does have a softer side to him as the following pictures attest. Check out his pretty pink panties.

Bits & Pieces

Here are some stories you might enjoy:

Idiotic move of the week? A man in Canada won $3.6 million dollars in the lottery. Why is he an idiot? Because he won in August of 2007!!! He waited a year to cash in the ticket because he wanted to "reflect" on how he was going to spend the money. He now has $100,000 less because that's how much interest he could have accrued if he had immediately cashed in the ticket and put the money into a savings account or certificate of deposit.

Jesus is alive...in Indiana: Yes, Jesus is living in the fur of a cat named Sissy. Click the link below to see the vid. Wonder when we'll see the cat being sold on e-bay.

http://www.maniacworld.com/jesus-found-in-cats-fur.html

Enjoy & peace,

paul

Race for '08

While driving to the post office this evening to return some Netflix movies, I realized I was noticing an interesting "trend." The Presidential election is about a little over 3 months from now and Clinton, Kucinich and Romney are all way out. The two runners are John McCain and Barack Obama. I still think Obama is an idiot for not choosing Clinton as a running mate and I'm convinced that even though she wanted to be President, she would have accepted to be his mate. That would have been huge! So we are stuck with bad and worse (in my humble opinion; I honestly don't know who I will vote for but I WILL vote).

Anyway, what I noticed is that I have yet to see a "vote for McCain" sticker, yard sign, bumper sticker, flyer or button. I've seen plenty of "Obama for President" signs and I find that really interesting. Interesting in more ways than one, not the least of which is that Obama is African-American and part of me is convinced the country is not ready for an African-American President. Or maybe that's just me being stuck in the 18th century.

Obama is a powerful speaker and charming but can he lead a country? Only time will tell and we will soon enough know if that question is even moot or not.

Talk to you soon.

peace,

paul

Cover your ears, children

Here's a scary story out of Russia. Thirty bears that are reacting to a fish shortage are holding Russian geologists hostage at their remote camp. Due to the inclement weather, no helicopters can land and the bears are circling the camp threatening to devour the geologists. Can't they just drop fish from the helicopter?

The bears are 10-feet tall and one of them killed two scientists last week; the official start of the "situation."

The men are currently staying put with their weapons by their side.

peace,

paul

Oh, who says there's nothing good on the radio. Some songs I'm currently enjoying (before they are played to death and I can't stand to hear them one more time)...

There's a female Christian pop singer named Plumb that I really like and her newest song, In My Arms, is a song that could have been schmaltzy but it's got just enough of a beat and a beautiful, sweeping sound to make it stand out. I wouldn't mind singing it, in fact.

Another song I like is the song by 3 Doors Down, the Mississippi group, called It's Not My Time. It's a moving, almost anthemic song with an uplifiting message.

Another song I'm enjoying is kind of a rap/R&B song called Dangerous by Kardinal Offishall. His real name is Jason Harrow and he's Canadian (eh?). He does the song with rapper Akon (whose real name is Aliuane Thiam) and it's one of those make-you-get-up-and-shake-your-booty songs.

So, next time you think there's nothing worth listening to on the radio, listen again.

peace,

paul

cool youtube video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWgCzVJXqvU

Enjoy!!!!

This will definitely clean you out. In the town of Zheleznovodsk in Russia, a spa resort paid homage to its most popular treatment: The enema. In this photo, the smartly dressed nurses stand next to the 800 pound monument. Three little angels support the bronze syringe bulb. Awwww, how cuuuuuuute.

movie minute

Bad Happens: M. Night Shyamalan used to be a pretty good suspense spinner. He knew how to make a movie that was enjoyable, riveting and made the viewer need to see it again to figure out exactly what was missed the first time. That was true of his first movie The Sixth Sense. Since then, it's all been downhill. Don't get me wrong, he's had some pretty good films since his first one and his new one, The Happening (R). The pretty good ones are Signs and The Village; the not so good ones are Unbreakable, Lady In The Water and the latest movie pretending to be scary but is really a hand-me-down dressed political statement.

In The Happening, something is causing people to act irrationally and take their own lives. Among the scenes of people doing themselves in is an eerie scene of construction workers jumping from a building to their deaths...in NYC no less. Yes, that Shyamalan knows how to play with our emotions but he doesn't know how to keep it up. The movie stars Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel as Elliot and Alma Moore. Elliot, a science teacher decides to pack up Alma and his best friend Julian, played by John Leguizamo, and head out of Philadelphia to a smaller town when it appears the big cities are being hit by the mysterious plague.

Of course, being a movie in which characters are on the run, there have to be children and Elliot and Alma get stuck with Julian's daughter when Julian decides to try and find his wife. The fim does feature some pretty graphic, if not silly, scenes of death. Ok, I'll admit some of them are just plain silly and it sometimes seems as if Shyamalan is trying to tap into his inner Stephen King. Keep tapping, M. Night, you're not even close.

There is something to the premise of what is causing the plague but it's not enough and it's way too obvious what M. Night is trying to say. All of the happenings occur in the Northeast and then soon just stop. As the film closes, things begin to happen again; this time someplace different and if at that point you haven't figured out what the statement is, maybe you should go work in a factory.

M. Night needs to go back to the drawing board, get back to his roots and make another movie that totally grabs us from the beginning and doesn't let go until the end when we realize...Ahha, of course, how clever. This one barely grabs one by the hand.

Bags of popcorn (out of 5): 1.5

movie minute

Sex It Up: The new movie with four of our favorite perpetually lovelorn New York women has finally come to a screen near you. Yes, Sex And The City (rated R), with the tales of Carrie and her friends wading their way through the treacherous waters of relationships is here and I have to say, it's a bit disappointing. Just a bit.

The film starts as Carrie and Big (aka John James Preston) are preparing for their blowout wedding. Everyone from the tv series is on hand: Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte, Steve, Harry, Stanford and Jerry. If you don't know who all of those people are, that's okay because you don't have to know. One doesn't need to have watched the show religiously (which I did) in order to know who these women are.

The film takes ample time with all four characters and even introduces a new assistant for Carrie, the fabulous Louise (played by the even more fabulous Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson). Sadly, Hudson is a bit underused. What's even sadder is that at 2hours and 15min, instead of being a burst of energy throughout, the film drags in a number of places. It does, however, try to compensate for that with plenty of laughs; plenty.

I won't tell you what happens but I will tell you this, the rumors of Mr. Big's demise are greatly overrated.

If you're in the mood for a little bit of fun and a lot of naughty with lots of laughs then this movie is for you. If you need something with a little more kick, I'd say skip it.

Bags of popcorn (out of 5) 3

peace,
paul

Going green: Almost everywhere one goes these days, you hear about going green. I'm not talking about the color of our currency but the saving of the environment by recycling, being efficient in our resources and being smart about not being wasteful. There is one place where it's not good to be green and that is in the cast of Wicked.

Wicked, based on Gregory Maguire's novel of the same name, tells the story of Galinda (the future good witch) and Elphaba (the future wicked witch) and how they meet at Shiz University. The musical follows, with catchy and energetic music, the two as they end up having to share a room and realize that there's more underhandedness happening in their part of the world than they ever would have imagined.

As the play progresses, we get to see everything that happened leading up to when The Wizard Of Oz began and then we get to see the aftermath of the death of the witch. The way things are tied together is pure genius. We get to see all of the Oz characters at some point and how they fit into the story is so clever.

The play has all of the relevant (to today's time) themes such as standing up for what's right, being misunderstood/different and not fitting in, putting your faith in people just because they hold a certain title and risking it all to change the "world" for the better.

I admit I tried to read the novel before seeing the show but I only made it halfway through. It requires a lot of interest in fantasy; something I just don't have. Having said that, I enjoyed the soundtrack and thought the musical was just short of brilliant. In fact, having already seen Avenue Q and then seeing Wicked, I believe Wicked was robbed of the Tony Award in 2004-both shows were released on Broadway during the same season. What's funny about that is Wicked won almost all of the awards leading up to the Tonys.

I wish I could have seen the show on Broadway with Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel (who also won a Tony for the role of Elphaba) but the two leads were magnificent. Galinda was a hoot and while she drew much laughter in almost every scene she was in, I sometimes felt it was bordering on overacting. The woman in the role of Elphaba had an incredibly powerful voice and had her own share of roaring laughter. This play was alive from the moment the curtain rose to the moment the actors took their bows. I'd see it again in a heartbeat. And, what's more, there's a surprise (for me, anyway) ending that cinches the show's excellence.

If you haven't seen this musical, it is a must-see. I'm sure the movie version won't be long in waiting.

Score-A

peace,

paul

Compelling arguments for why gays should not have equal marriage.

Enjoy,

paul

http://davidgoulart.blogspot.com/2008/05/why-homosexuality-is-wrong.html

Gay priest or just one of the "few" celibate ones? Either way, enjoy.

Cool videos

This cute kid is a lock for American Idol in about 15 years. Prepare your nasty comments now, Simon.


http://video.yahoo.com/watch/2521693/7658684

Sorting Survivor

The 16th season of Survivor was in fact one of the most exciting and riveting yet. Watching the finale last night, I wasn't surprised that Parvati (whose last name is ironically Shallow) won the game or that Cirie was not in the top 2 but that with an 8 member jury, there wasn't a tie vote. Now that would have been exciting. Can I get a re-vote or how about a colored rock.

Three survivors (2 of them favorites) had to leave the island due to various injuries. Luckily, evil Jonathan was one of them; although I think I would have chosen him over "black widow" Natalie.

Poor Jason thought he had the immunity idol but it turned out to be a fake (thanks to Ozzy's wonderful artistry) and then when he did get the real idol, he did the same thing HIS idol Ozzy did; he didn't play it at tribal council. Jason I can understand but Ozzy not playing it when HE had it? Come on, man. And just when I was starting to like him. Not only that but early on all of the strong and buff men were unceremoniously booted off. This was clearly a season for brains and not brawn. And speaking of brawn, fireman Joel was kicked off before pageant coach Chet, who just happened to be gay.

But the dumbest Survivor ever, by far, is now Erik. Gravedigger James was once the dumbest when he had, not one, but two immunity idols and didn't play either one of them. Erik became the dumbest by believing four wily women that he would be safe if he would just give the immunity idol to Natalie. He did and was swiftly voted out. And in a Survivor first, four women were left standing with not a man in sight. And another record comes thanks to this season's 2nd place winner, Amanda Kimmel. By being in back-to-back seasons, she scored a record 78 straight days on an island. By the way, she came in third in last season's China round.

This was a great season and I'm glad I've stuck by this show for the last 8 years. I proudly give season 16 an A (minus the plus because, though I understand how she won, I didn't like it).

I hope season 17 in Gabon can keep the up the revitalization.

peace,

paul

"Rubbing in the court: Here's one for the books...Judge Elizabeth Halverson, a district judge in Nevada, has been banned from her court, suspended from her bench and being brought up on judicial misconduct charges. Among the charges: Abusing her positions, treating her staff like her personal servants, tainting juries and falling asleep on the bench.



The obese judge, who uses a motorized scooter to travel around, allegedly made her bailiff put her shoes on her feet, massage her back, cover her up for naps and fill up her oxygen tank. She also supposedly asked, "Do you want to worship me from near or afar?"



Halverson also travelled with her own security guards because she didn't trust the ones at the courthouse and improperly met with jurors during several sexual assault cases thereby causing mistrials.



Wow this lady makes Judge Judy sound like Minnie Mouse.



peace,



paul

DVD of the week

Evening Story: Just finished watching the independent drama Starting Out In The Evening (PG-13). The movie, based on the Brian Morton novel, tells the story of ailing writer Leonard Schiller (a revelatory Frank Langella) who is struggling to finish his latest novel. Enter Heather Wolfe (perfectly played by Lauren Ambrose) who is writing her master's thesis on Leonard.

As Leonard and Heather continue to meet to discuss Leonard's writing and what makes him tick, their relationship deepens way past the point of physical intimacy. The scenes with Langella and Ambrose crackle with energy.

The scenes with Leonard and Heather are juxtaposed with scenes of Leonard's daughter, Ariel (Lili Taylor), and her relationship issues.

The film is a quietly acted and nicely paced one in which the writing is refreshingly real. When this film came out last year, Langella was being touted as a shoo-in for an Academy Award nomination. The ballyhoo was well warranted but sadly he lost out on a nod. I can think of two reasons; one, the performance is not an over the top one. It's real and honest. Secondly, the movie was not widely seen nor was it widely released. Langella's performance is one of those performances that one only sees two or three times a year. Even compared to all of the other nominees in one year, only a few stand above the crowd and Langella's touching, emotional role is a breath of fresh air.

Rent this movie today. For an added layer, read the book first.

Bags of popcorn (out of 5): 4

paul

American Idol recap

I don't usually write about the American Idol results show but this week's show was more of a shocker than that time that Karen came out as a prostitute on One Life To Live.

The week's theme was Broadway Week with Suh Andrew Lloyd Webber and the six finalists sang their hearts out; well, some of them, anyway.

Jason "dreads" Castro is so boring I'm surprised he is able to stay awake while he's singing; let alone keeping others awake. He sang "Memory" and sings the exact same way every single week.

Brooke "stop the show for me" White royally screwed up (and not just when she forgot the lyrics and started over) the song "You Must Love Me." If only Madonna had been in the house to show this chick how it's done.

The bottom two in the results show wasn't the above two by far weakest singers of the bunch. No, instead it was Carly "Jesus Christ Superstar" Smithson and Syesha "One Rock 'N Roll Too Many" Mercado. One rocked the house and one got her vixen on.

I can't believe these two talents were in the bottom two and Carly actually got the boot. This Irish lass better cut a record soon. Was America on drugs on Tuesday night? Did they all forget which buttons on the phone to push? Did they all suffer from dyslexsia?

Jim and I were both shocked and have vowed from now on, when we're home, to vote!

Next week we'll have to suffer through another dull-as-dishwater Brooke song and another sung-from-the-dorm-room soft ballad of dreads, um, Jason.

Until next week....

peace,

paul

Going, Going, Gone...

Weird Story: In 1982 a man by the name of Larry Walters rose three miles above Los Angeles in a lawn chair with helium balloons attached to it. On April 21, 2008, Rev. Adelir Antonio de Carli was carried away by hundreds of balloons high above the Brazilian skyline equipped with a GPS device and satellite phone. He wore a helmet, thermal suit and parachute and sat atop a chair that floats.

Now, he's missing.

Wanting to break the 19-hour record, the winds pushed de Carli about 31 miles off course during his flight. After initially rising to 20,000 feet, he descended to 8,200 feet as he soared toward the city of Dourados.

Helicopters and rescue boats have so far been unable to find him off the southern coast of Brazil. That's where it's believed he vanished as pieces of balloon were found.

There's so much more fun to be had with balloons by inhaling the helium and NOT letting the helium carry you away.

peace,

paul

Friday Fun

Hope these bring a smile to your face.

paul


Oxymorons-The top 45 (not your average morons...)

45. Act naturally
44. Found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Airline Food
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt Head
26. Military Intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. 'Now, then ...'
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16, Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13 Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
1. Microsoft Works

A monster wouldn't stand a chance against this 3-year-old.

Enjoy,

paul

Remembering the "Dream": 40 years ago, today, one of the greatest speakers and advocates of minorities' rights was assassinated. And 40 years later, the question is asked, what would he be doing now and what would he have done had he lived? The question, asked about the great Martin Luther King Jr, has a purely speculative answer. King biographer David J. Garrow says that the 79-year-old King would be speaking out against the Iraq war. Garrow also believes that King would not have chosen to run for elective office. That, in my opinion, seems right since in 1967, when King was being courted to run for President on a third-party ticket, King ultimately decided his calling was outside of the political stage.

King is still missed and quoted and given props for the challenging speeches he made in reference to the rights of African-Americans.

Rest in peace, brother.

paul

Shhh, here she comes...

Don't mess with these third graders. Nine boys and girls at Carter Elementary School in Georgia planned to attack their teacher. After a teacher was tipped off by a student that one of the girls bought a weapon to school, the authorities were then notified.

The kids, each one with a different learning disability, planned to knock the teacher out with a glass paperweight, handcuff her, duct tape her mouth and then stab her with a steak knife, and a broken one at that.

The teacher had scolded one of the students because they were standing on a chair. Police chief Tony Tanner (great name) had this to say, "We're not sure...how many of the students actually knew the intent was to hurt the teacher...because they are kids, they may have thought this was like a cartoon..." A cartoon with some very realistic consequences. Luckily, those were averted.

paul

Tuesday funnies

These have been around the web more than a few times but still worth pondering....

paul


The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma!

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times. Oh go ahead...I'll wait..

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks. (Watch yourAss )

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE !

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women,what does this tell you!)

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer so did the first ' Marlboro Man.'

Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!

PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but, not downstairs

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. President whose name contains all the letters from the word 'criminal.' (who thinks up this stuff???) The second? William Jefferson Clinton (Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!!!)

And the best for last.....Turtles can breathe through their butts. (I know some people like that, don' t YOU?)

Holy Headlines! #3

Free Floe-This past week a massive chunk of ice collapsed in Antarctica. The slab of ice is seven times the size of Manhattan and has been there between hundreds and 1,500 years. It broke of from the Wilkins Ice Shelf in Western Antarctica. The rest of the shelf, about the size of Connecticut, is narrowly holding on by a thin beam of ice which could also break apart.

If only those penguins, seals and polar bears would just stop jumping on the ice.

peace,
paul

Holy Headlines! #2

Are we still rolling?-Kate Bosworth (Superman Returns) and Jim Sturgess (Across The Universe) sure like to keep it real with their acting. While filming their steamy love scene for the Las Vegas drama, 21, the two thespians decided to loosen up with a couple, no, three, no, five drinks. Not even the two actors know how many drinks they had because they both eventually passed out. Bosworth says, "We were both so drunk..." and Sturgess concurs saying, "it was brilliant for about half and an hour. As we continued to drink...it just became sloppy and messy. I couldn't stand up at one point."

First of all, I wouldn't be publicly announcing that kind of stuff and secondly, I want to see the footage that DIDN'T make it into the film. I want to see just how drunk those two really were.

paul

Holy Headlines! #1

Can you hear me now?-Ah, tourists....They like to gawk, take pictures, leave their trash strewn all over and chip off ears on statues. Yes, you read that right. A Finnish tourist has been accused of chipping off an ear on one of the famed Easter Island statues. The statue, shown at the right, is one of 400 that represent ancestors of the island. What I want to know is why? And what would you do with a stone ear? What would you do with an ear period? The mayor of the island wants the tourists own ear ripped off. That won't happen but the tourist is under house arrest for 13 days and will then have to pay a fine.

The sad thing is that it is just another instance in which someone shows disrespect for something that doesn't belong to them.

paul

Hello my friends & loved ones,

Another week has gone by and it's still cold and snowy. In some places there are still gargantuan chunks that seem to refuse to budge. Every now and then we see a glimpse or two of the sun but the relentless gray and misery of winter still lingers. However, the signs of spring are everywhere. From the growing buds to the singing birds in the morning, it's evident that warmth, sun, and shorts are not far away; not far away at all.

I forced myself not to say the phrase "only a matter of time" because that really doesn't make any sense. Of course it's only a matter of time because that's all we have. The question is, how much time. And speaking of time, we should make sure we are making the most of our time each day because not one of us knows just how much time we really have. Spend quality time with your loved ones and enjoy your life to the fullest. Remember, nothing ventured is nothing gained. The time is ticking away even as you read this email so go do something constructive and LIVE!!!

Until next time-pray for each other as I pray for each of you. And, remember, stay happy, stay healthy, and stay happy.

love,
paul

Fun

Here's a bit of humor for your Thursday.

Enjoy,
paul



Dog For Sale: Free to good home. Excellent guard dog. Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murderers or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat. Most of them knew him as 'Holy Shit.'
big dog

movie minute

Tale of the Treer: Donnie Darko director, Richard Kelly, released a film last year with one of the most interesting casts I've seen in a long time. That's not to say the cast was full of great actors but they were definitely an eclectic bunch. The film is Southland Tales and I've no idea what the heck was going on.

What I could make out is there was a nuclear attack in Texas and a famous celebrity came back after mysteriously disappearing; a flying blimp called the Treer MegaZeppelin was ready to take the rich politicos and celebrities on a high-flying tour and a group called the Neo-Marxists were trying to rig an election. Yes, this film took place in the year 2008 but it occurred in a world that looks just slightly different than the one we live in right now. Want more info? You'll have to watch the film yourself; just be aware, it's a mess!

Here's a rundown on the cast: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Sarah Michelle Gellar (who plays The Rock's lover?), Mandy Moore (another lover of The Rock), Seann William Scott, Nora Dunn, John Larroquette, Cheri (Saturday Night Live) Oteri, Amy (Saturday Night Live) Poehler, Bai Ling, Jon Lovitz, Miranda Richardson, Justin Timberlake and Zelda ("Go to the light, Carol Ann") Rubinstein.

It's out on dvd now!

Bags of popcorn (out of 5): 1/4 bag

R.I.P.

Academy Award winning director Anthony Minghella died this past week after he hemorrhaged following an operation to remove a growth in his neck.

Minghella was a truly talented and, dare I say, brilliant director. He became interested in cinema at an early age and was overwhelmed with excitment by the Italian films he saw. He was working on yet another film at the time of his death; as of this posting, there's no word on what will happen with that film.

Some highlights of Minghella's to definitely check out: Truly, Madly, Deeply; The English Patient; The Talented Mr. Ripley.

Some other ones that might be worth your while are Cold Mountain and Breaking And Entering.

A brilliant director who will be missed.

peace,

paul

funny clip

Check out this funny clip deconstructing what went wrong during a dance between Ellen and Hardball host Chris Matthews.

Enjoy,
paul

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/03/20/ellen-degeneres-deconstru_n_92634.html

movie minute

Gory Games: Just watched the film Sleuth with Michael Caine and Jude Law. The film, directed by Shakespeare aficianado Kenneth Branagh tells the story of two men who conspire to outwit, outplay and outlast each other. Oh, wait, I'm thinking of Survivor; sorry, my mistake. First of all, I'd like to ask people out there...If you were sleeping with someone's spouse, why would you go to the cuckold's (look it up) house...at night....by yourself? Foolishness, pure foolishness.

Anyway, Caine plays Andrew Wyke, a writer, who invites his wife's lover, Milo (Jude Law) to his estate and encourages Milo to steal his expensive jewels. He already has Andrew's wife, why not take his jewels too? He literally insists that Milo make it look like a burglary and even walks him through it. The "game" takes a deadly turn and soon Milo is begging for his life.

Cut to three days later and a seemingly inept detective shows up at Andrew's estate asking after Milo. Soon, there are more games afoot for both Andrew and the detective.

This movie is a remake of the highly entertaining 1972 film which was directed by Joseph L. Mankiewicz (All About Eve). The film starred Sir Laurence Olivier (as Andrew, the writer) and Michael Caine (as Milo). The film had a playfulness about it and the writing was sharp. The remake, which was released last year, has a sense of corniness and the writing is insipid. What's more, Jude Law is sorely inept in his role as Milo; Michael Caine acted rings around Jude as both Andrew AND Milo. Everything about Law is unconvincing, even the ring on his cellphone (not to mention annoying). I think this remake was unnecesary (not as unnecessary as the Psycho remake) but unnecessary nonetheless.

One more thing I'd like to say is, I don't know who Kenneth Branagh is sleeping with these days but I think he needs to come out of the closet because he is definitely taking out his homosexual tendencies on these characters; especially in the third act of the film. If he's not gay, then maybe he should be.

If you are a Caine fan then check this out. If you are a Law fan, rent The Holiday and skip this seriously sloppy seconds.

Bags of popcorn (out of 5): 1.5

paul

weekly post from March 21, 2008

Hi my friends & loved ones,

Well, daylight savings has begun and the days are getting longer. This Sunday is Easter, the Christian celebration of Jesus rising from the dead. While it is a joyous day and on Sunday we will be singing excitedly and I'll be doing one of the most ambitious pieces of modern Christian music I've ever done, it has made me think that while Jesus died and then rose, we have the opportunity to rise every single day. We have the chance to become better and greater and do better and greater things. Herewith, a short story to illustrate my point.

In January of 1999, an 88-year-old grandmother who lost her husband to Alzheimer's, and would eventually lose a daughter to the disease, walked from Pasadena, California to Washington, DC. At one point she was even on skies in her trek across the country. Doris Haddock walked across country because she so strongly believed in campaign finance reform. A native of New Hampshire, after the democratic candidate dropped out for state senator (because of a campaign finance scandal, nonetheless), Doris, 94-years-old at this point, ran for the Democratic party against incumbent Republican Judd Gregg. She stood up for what she believed in and went the distance; even appearing in a live debate with Gregg (who in 2005 won $850,000 in the Powerball Lottery-like he needed the money). To see the documentary of Doris Haddock, check out the DVD Run Granny Run. My point is that we should all be inspired, every day, to stand up for what we believe in and have conviction, courage and confidence.

Until next week-Stay safe, stay happy and stay healthy.

Happy Easter!

love,

paul

weekly post from March 13, 2008

Greetings my friends & loved ones,

I pray that each of you is feeling the signs of Spring; I certainly am and I'm enjoying every second of it (and not just because it's my favorite season).

I was reminded by my spouse that one year ago this week was when I began my descent into "madness." I became a different person, partly because I was depressed and started medication and partly because I wasn't content with my life and thought that I knew what I wanted and was determined to go after it...no matter what. This lasted until well into the fall of last year. Come to find out-what I wanted was what I had all along.

What a difference a year makes!!! I remind myself everyday that life is good and that I am fortunate; very fortunate. May each of you remember each day the blessings you have and how fortunate you are. That is my wish for you.

Meet Marla...the new Monet? The must-see DVD of the week is the just released My Kid Could Paint That. My Kid tells the story of 4-year-old Marla Olmstead from Binghamton, NY who paints. The documentary follows Marla and her parents as Marla's paintings become famous and she begins to have her own art shows and her paintings begin to sell for thousands and thousands of dollars. It all starts from a NY Times article who catches wind of a human interest story and as the story develops, the detractors come out. Is Marla really creating the paintings? Is her sometime-art dabbler dad coaching her or doctoring her paintings? And, the biggest question of all, just what constitutes art? Marla is compared, not to Monet, but to Jackson Pollock who was famous for creating paintings that literally looked like a 4-year-old could have painted them (it's true, and if you are fan, you know it's true). In fact, there are some film clips of Pollock creating a painting. It's really an engrossing film and extremely interesting and Marla is truly adorable (wouldn't want to be around her when she's in a bad mood, though).

That's all I've got for this week. Until next week, stay safe, stay happy, and stay healthy.

love,

paul

Unbelievable audio/video clip

My friend Bud sent this to me and, while I don't know (yet) the Legislator who made this comment or even if it's real, it does have some semblance of truth in the heartland of our great country.

peace!!!!,

paul

http://www.victoryfund.org/files/listening.html

weekly post from March 1, 2008

Hello friends & loved ones,

Before I got my job as a script writer, I really had no excuse not to write an email every week. Now, I have the perfect excuse: "I write every single day, why would I want to write on the weekends, too?" Yes, it would be all too easy for me to use that excuse but I find it's good for me to write on the weekend. Besides, I can write whatever I want to instead of being limited to making it relevant to a heating/cooling company. By the way, the most difficult clients are dentists/periodontists and the easiest are schools/colleges.

I had a "freak out" moment this past week in which I was skittish and every sound literally made me jump. I hadn't been that scared since my life was threatened during my first year of college. The situation was that someone, whom I was trying to distance myself, was in some legal trouble and I vacillated between being concerned and not wanting to be dragged into the situation. It got me thinking, is there a fine line between being a Christian and thinking about yourself?

Some would say that yes, there is a fine line but I don't agree. I think one can be Christian and still look out for oneself. I can be concerned about someone and yet still not want to be a part of that person's life. It would be different if there were something I could do for that person but there's not and being in that person's life would be a detriment to the life I'm trying to live. That's the key! One must weigh the detriment.

So, I sit here, hoping that things will turn out well while living the best life I possibly can. That, ultimately, is what it boils down to. None of us is perfect and mistakes are imminent but as long as we have truth and faith we will be alright.

peace,

paul

Friday fun

Enjoy...

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.

Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning .

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do ?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

"pretty" picture

Enjoy,

paul

cool videos

Two octogenarians sitting around discussing movies. Maria & Lorenzo-these two are funny and real. Enjoy.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZPF7DdVrwI&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsupFgnNU0o&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPJpnaEnAvE&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dc8kVc0zunw&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSBH25sN-Rs&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=453EaG_5MT8&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYDkAs9hEm4&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B44_XXBlcs4&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNoYavsUp7o&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7AYcv7IJ-E&feature=related

After the Awards

Well, the academy awards are over and I correctly predicted 20 out of 24 awards. Not as good as last year but pretty good. I hosted an Oscar party on Sunday night at the home of a wonderful couple from church and I think everyone had a good time. We laughed, ate, and just hung out. I'm slowly coming out of my depression at Julie Christie going home empty-handed; I had really wanted her to win and out of all five nominees, she was certainly the most deserving.

It will be a while before the next race begins and I'll take a bit of a break from going to the movies but only a little one. Soon, there will be rumblings about next year's Oscar race and I'll be right there ready to listen.

peace,

paul

My predictions for the big night

In a little more than 24 hours, the Super Bowl of the movies will begin and we'll see how well I know my stuff (or how good I am at making predictions). I have seen the movies up for major nominations and I've seen all of the performances in the acting categories. Below, I will write who SHOULD win and who WILL win. Last year I correctly predicted every category except for one. Will lightning strike twice or will I be an abysmal failure? Either way, I'm going to have fun.

peace,

paul


Best Sound Editing:
SHOULD win-Transformers
WILL win-The Bourne Ultimatum

Best Sound Mixing:
SHOULD win-Transformers
WILL win-The Bourne Ultimatum

Best Visual Effects:
SHOULD win-The Golden Compass
WILL win-Transformers

Best Makeup:
SHOULD win-La Vie En Rose
WILL win-La Vie En Rose

Best Costume Design:
SHOULD win-Elizabeth:The Golden Age
WILL win-Elizabeth:The Golden Age

Best Live Action Short:
SHOULD win-At Night
WILL win-Tanghi Argentini

Best Animated Short:
SHOULD win-Peter & The Wolf
WILL win-I Met The Walrus

Best Animated Feature:
SHOULD win-Persepolis
WILL win-Ratatouille

Best Foreign Language Film:
SHOULD win-The Counterfeiters
WILL win-The Counterfeiters

Best Documentary Short:
SHOULD win-Freeheld
WILL win-Freeheld

Best Documentary Feature:
SHOULD win-No End In Sight
WILL win-Taxi To The Dark Side

Best Original Song:
SHOULD win-"Falling Slowly"-Once
WILL win-"Falling Slowly"-Once

Best Original Score:
SHOULD win-Atonement
WILL win-Atonement

Best Film Editing:
SHOULD win-No Country For Old Men
WILL win-The Bourne Ultimatum

Best Cinematography:
SHOULD win-There Will Be Blood
WILL win-There Will Be Blood

Best Art Direction:
SHOULD win-Atonement
WILL win-Sweeney Todd

Best Original Screenplay:
SHOULD win-Juno
WILL win-Juno

Best Adapted Screenplay:
SHOULD win-No Country For Old Men
WILL win-No Country For Old Men

Best Supporting Actor:
SHOULD win-Tom Wilkinson-Michael Clayton
WILL win-Javier Bardem-No Country For Old Men

Best Supporting Actress:
SHOULD win-Tilda Swinton-Michael Clayton
WILL win-Tilda Swinton-Michael Clayton

Best Actor:
SHOULD win-Daniel Day-Lewis-There Will Be Blood
WILL win-Daniel Day-Lewis-There Will Be Blood

Best Actress:
SHOULD win-Julie Christie-Away From Her
WILL win-Julie Christie-Away From Her

Best Director:
SHOULD win-Tony Gilroy-Michael Clayton
WILL win-Joel & Ethan Coen-No Country For Old Men

Best Picture:
SHOULD win-Juno
WILL win-No Country For Old Men

weekly post from February 22, 2008

Hello friends & loved ones,

Juno, No Country For Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Atonement, Michael Clayton...No, those aren't just random words or titles but the five movies up for the primo movie award in the country (Other countries have their own equivalent of the Oscars) but this is the weekend that the little gold men come out to play.

Ten years ago the big winner was about an ocean liner that sank whilst two young lovers tried to stay alive and with each other. Who will win this year? I've got my pick but if my life were one of those movies, right now it would be Atonement. Ten years ago this would have been the kind of movie I would have wanted to see win, however, now I'm not even enjoying that my life has that title at this moment in time.

We all make mistakes and end up paying for them in one way or another and that is precisely what I'm currently doing. Thankfully we sometimes realize what we have (and should cherish) before it is too late. I was lucky and do not plan on using another one of my "nine lives" because I might not have another one.

I guess the long and the short of it is be thankful for what you have; treasure it, rejoice in it because whatever you think is better or more enjoyable might turn out to be just "eh, it's alright." Believe me, I found out the hard way.

Pray for each other as I pray for you and here's to hoping I do great on my Oscar picks.

Until next week-stay safe, stay happy and stay healthy.

love,

paul

weekly post from February 16, 2008

Hello my friends & loved ones,

What a difference a year makes, indeed! Last year at this exact time I was trying to think of any excuse I could NOT to go to work, I was mean and ugly to my spouse, I was unhappy, I was grouchy, I was falling into an abyss that would last most of the year and I didn't even realize it...YET. It would be another week before I knew there was something seriously wrong and last a full ten months. It was depression coupled with what I call a pre pre mid-life crises. I am not one to dwell on things or talk things to death (unless you talk to my spouse..haha) but I want people to know that it does get better and to reach out and talk, scream, yell, vent, cry or whatever it takes to get to a better and healthier place. Just stop hurting yourself and those around you.

2008 started as a much better year than 2007 and I didn't realize until this week how changed and healthier I am compared to last year. I'm actually excited about the Academy Awards which I have watched religiously (sorry, honey) for 19 years now (or it will be 19 after next Sunday).

My nugget for this week's email is that just because it's February in Western, NY and gray, dreary and desolate doesn't mean there's no sunshine, excitement, hope and possibility; it just means you have to open your eyes to find it. I am here! Yes, I'm putting myself out there to those of you who may be in a dark place. Let me bring you into sunshine and laughter. Don't think I can do it-try me!! I'm always up for a good challenge. I tell people that if I can jump out of an airplane at over 15,000 feet then I can do ALMOST anything. Call on me to bring you out of the darkness and into the sunshine that you can almost only see in the middle of July. I dare you.

No, I'm not high but I am high on life. I've had a resurrection, a rebirth. I feel I'm exactly where I want to be right now. See the possibilities that life has to offer you when you wake up tomorrow morning. If you can't or are having problems, let me know and I'll help. Wow! I sound like a guru or a ZEN master; that's exactly what I was aiming for (haha).

Ok, I'm done rambling. Until next week...stay safe, stay happy and stay HEALTHY.

love,

paul

cool video

The ranch meets the rink in this neat youtube video. I shudder to think how many hours they spent perfecting this routine, which is amazing by the way.

Enjoy,

paul

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkp9OXAVD88

Tuesday Humor

Here's some laughs for you.

Enjoy,
paul

GEORGE CARLIN'S NEW RULES FOR 2008

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days --- mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged . I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.'

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want Cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Mars Bar.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you Spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell If he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, Dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'

There will be an Academy Awards show and it's sure to be a celebratory affair especially after the long and tiresome writer's strike. David Spade is all too keen to let us know that the affair is a-happenin' and he does an almost spot-on impersonation of Daniel Day-Lewis to let people know that the Oscars are on.

Enjoy.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d8f1db3c4e

I'm sure that when Academy Award winner Daniel Day-Lewis crowed about drinking up preacher Paul Dano's milkshake at the end of There Will Be Blood, he wasn't doing it to become a catchphrase phenomenon. However, everything has the possibility of becoming parodied and this is one of the best to come out of 2007. Check out these youtube clips and see what a riot Day-Lewis's line has become. There are several.

F.Y.I. The line was uttered by Sen. Albert Fall during a 1924 Congressional Hearing on oil drilling rights. He uses the metaphor to explain the concept of drainage.

Enjoy (slurp)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCCdZmHk5Fk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQAoFlgZy1Q&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDVzmbtVZ6s&feature=related

Thursday This & That

Take A Picture...A recent study from Florida State University has shown that while men and women take long looks at attractive people of the opposite sex, they also let their looks linger on attractive people of the SAME sex.

442 people (all straight, by the way) filled out questionnaires to figure out how they seek out the opposite sex and then were show photos of men and women that were attractive and then average-looking men and women.

After a picture was shown on one side of the computer, they were told to look away but with the pictures of attractive men and women the looks lasted for a few seconds too long and more than likely, in real life those looks would probably be bordering on ogling. And lest you think those men and women were just looking at the opposite sex, they weren't.

So my straight friends, next time you are out with your woman (or man) and someone of the same sex is checking you out, it's all good and doesn't mean a thing-except that you're HOT!!!!

Sheriff says sorry: A Hillsborough County Sheriff has apologized to the quadriplegic who was dumped from his wheelchair (I previously posted a link to the video) after he was picked up on a charge of fleeing and attempting to elude police. Apparently the guy can drive and, according to the video, move his leg. The Sheriff who dumped him did not believe that the man was a quadriplegic.

peace,

paul

funny video from youtube

Another cool link from the Ellen show. It is possible to file papers and do the hula hoop motion at the same time.....Riiiiiiiight!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHiqVygN-w0&feature=bz303

Check out this video of a police deputy dumping a quadriplegic out of his wheelchair. It happened at a jail in Hillsborough County in Florida. I am sick of the police abusing their power; it really disgusts me and something should really be done about it. Having said that, why does it look like the guy (in the wheelchair) is moving his left leg at the end? I didn't think quadriplegics could move their limbs, if in fact it is moving.

peace,

paul

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYMKyJRAabE&feature=bz301

Cool youtube link

This guy makes skulls from just about everything. I would like to try the hotel room one. I can just imagine the look on the face of the cleaning lady.

Enjoy,

paul

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3VDNaikh1w

weekly email from February 3, 2008

Hello friends & loved ones:
It's "the same shade" edition

It's a glorious winter morning here in Western, NY. Jim bought me one of the lights that people use when they are experiencing SAD (Seasonal Affect Disorder) and I used it for the first time this morning. It gave me a bit of a headache and it's way too early for me to notice any difference but I'll use it each day for about 45mins.

So, why am I in such a great mood? Because last year was a terrible year (in more ways than one) and after my cautionary tale of 2007, I've turned a corner. A corner in my personal life, my work life, my social life and my talents. I also celebrated turning another year older. The big 35 has come and I feel different; a good different. I don't, however, feel older. Maybe a bit wiser but not older. And FYI: The grass is the same shade on the other side of the fence!!!

Now as I prepare to have church service, I'm wishing and hoping that each of you are turning a corner in your lives. I pray for each of you to experience wisdom and have much good fortune.

peace
paul

weekly email from January 25, 2008

The "Oh, Oh, listen to the music" edition
Hello friends & loved ones,

Well, there have been plenty of weeks when I've neglected to write a weekly email but I can't remember the last time I wrote it on a Wednesday night; if there has ever been a time. There was a time when I had no excuse for not writing a weekly email (laziness is not an excuse but it is used as such) but now I actually have one. Now I write all day and can use the excuse that I don't want to write at the end of the day but here I am doing it; not for my health but for the exercise of it and for your pleasure...

Remember in the 70's and 80's and sometimes 90's when a soundtrack from a movie would come out and it would be filled with pop hits? I remember those from the 80's and 90's and have bought more than a few from all three decades. Many of today's soundtracks have nothing but recycled songs or songs that will never be released and many of the songs are by less than stellar artists. Having said that, I've recently seen three movies whose soundtracks I'm completely enjoying. When I see a movie I listen to the music. The music in a movie plays a very important role and it is often disregarded in favor of other things such as dialogue, action and plot. The music is also a part of those things and if the wrong music is chosen it can be very detrimental and/or distracting. The three movies I recently saw (almost in a row) whose soundtracks I'm currently listening to are Juno, Atonement, and There Will Be Blood (that's the order in which I saw the movies). Two of those soundtracks are made up of instrumental music and the other one features songs with titles like "Up The Spout", "Tire Swing", and "Vampire." I can't tell you which soundtrack I purchased before the above mentioned soundtracks but I can tell you this, those three are getting a workout. I hope whatever you are doing and wherever you are this week that you are listening to the music and enjoying it.

I've actually written some recent stuff on my blog (again, I do it for the exercise and for YOUR pleasure) so feel free to check it out and I always appreciate comments; negative and positve. You can even read which movie I actually gave a perfect score too. I don't believe there has ever been a movie I've written about that has gotten a perfect score. And this weekend I'll break down the results of the Academy Award nominations. I'm all a-twitter about them. If only I had a place in which to host an informal Academy Awards party or even attend an informal Academy Awards party; it's one of my dreams.

peace,
paul